5 Love Languages for Kids

Sometimes, something as small as a very short email can start something very big. I received such an email from a friend at Northfield Publishers.

Most of you are probably familiar with the New York Times Best Seller, The 5 Love Languages. It has sold over 7 million copies and is still going strong. It’s been on the NY Times best sellers list for 240 weeks and as of right now is #1 on the appropriate list.

A profile of its author, Dr. Gary Chapman, aired on NBC’s Today show on February 25th. Shortly after the piece–guided by Janet Shamilian–wrapped up, the book skyrocketed to the top of book charts again as viewers scrambled to get their own copies. Read more

The Best

I love cooking! My wife is a great cook but she doesn’t love doing it as much as I do. So in support of the era of the new spousal division of labors, I do the cooking.

I’m not an awesome cook, but every once in awhile I knock one out of the park. When that happens, I write down what I did and try to repeat it. Now I have a small and growing list of great recipes that my family raves about and others ask the recipes for. I’ve got a simple secret for developing these recipes and bulding my list; it’s two words, ‘The Best.’

Let me explain, I’ve been cooking turkeys for many years and up until recently the result has been hit and miss. I finally decided that I wanted to make the best turkey ever. I mean, why take the time to cook such a wonderful meal only to get mediocer results? So I opened my computer and Googled, ‘the best way to cook a turkey.’ Read more

More Important Than The President (by Joey Watkins)

Regardless of your thoughts about the recent election, this point in time is unique in our history. It marks the inauguration of the 44th US President.

The President of the United States is a position of immense power, unique prestige, instant fame, and world notoriety.

But you know what? Our role as dads is more important. It really is… Yes, it **REALLY** is.

Presidents come and go. Just think about all the presidents that have served so far in your lifetime. Sure, they make decisions that affect the direction of the country. And this next president will do likewise.

But as dads, we have something that no one… and I mean NO ONE… else has. Read more

Strengthening Your Family’s Christmas Identity

When my kids were younger, every December as Christmas would draw closer, the ride to school in our SUV would get filled up with wacky Christmas songs. We’d take a non-sacred Christmas song like O Christmas Tree or Frosty the Snowman and rewrite the words to the song, often with hilarious results. (What’s a Seattle/Vancouver snowman? Three puddles!) Each year, we would sing the wacky ones we made up in years gone by, and then we’d start working out a line at a time on a new one for that year. What started out as a little bit of drive-time fun became a wonderful tradition. My children’s friends have even learned the wacky songs, and they’ve spread throughout the school.

Quite a few of the things that happened in our family as a result of taking advantage of available moments have become repeats, or when associated with special days, traditions. Read more

Encouragement From the Real Manger Scene

Don’t you adore the beauty of a manger scene: Mother, husband and child all looking so incredibly serene, backlit by the luminous soft glow of lamplight. Comfortably cuddled in a rustic, but poetically picture-perfect stable. Wholly contented, well-groomed farm animals all gazing on in rapt attention alongside a reverent audience of admiring onlookers. Everyone dressed in their finest garments, all colored with the same delicate and matching peaceful pastel colors. It’s all so perfect and romantic!

If you’ve already detected a gentle note of sarcasm, you need to hear that I know that these beautiful scenes are the work of well meaning and talented artists, who are merely trying to capture the wonder of this amazing moment.

However, most of us know that the wise men didn’t arrive until close to two years later, the stable was likely a not so picture-perfect cave cut into the hillside, the shepherds had just run from the fields and were very possibly not wearing their temple-best, and the animals were more than probably smelly and not quite so attentive.

Granted, the luminous back lighting is probably accurate.

How about Mom and Dad? Although I’m sure that Mary and Joseph were elated by the confirmations that God sent through the local visitors and in awe of their first born child, was everything parent-perfect in Bethlehem? First you have to remember that Mary and Joseph were normal people and regular parents who struggled with many of the same issues that we struggle with.

Now, if you can, put aside the traditional imagery and try to imagine yourself in Mary and Joseph’s sandals, and see if you can get an idea of what things were really like for these new parents. Honestly ask yourself, what would you be going through and feeling if this had been you.

Although accepting, Mary and Joseph were probably struggling with the fact that their childhood visions of marriage, family and happily-ever-after had been irretrievably altered by God’s agenda for the planet. Mary was close to full term and in that stage where, with everything inside her, she wanted the baby to be outside of her. They probably feared for the lives of Mary and the baby because there were some who thought that Mary should be stoned because her baby was conceived out of wedlock. Also, their story about the virgin birth was most likely met with skepticism even amongst those who knew them, which probably made them feel largely alone.

Then according to the decree of a government that their people were oppressed by, they had to hop on a donkey, possibly putting their new family in jeopardy and make a long trip through the hot desert to go be involved in a census—and who likes those things!

When they finally reached this small, seedy town (according to history, it wasn’t the nicest place to be) far, far away, they would have been feeling the heat, stress and exhaustion from the journey. On top of all that, they were very likely aware that their baby would soon make an appearance and they couldn’t find a vacancy anywhere. (Stop, are you seriously imagining what you’d be going through and what this real mom and dad would be feeling or have you slipped back into the romanticized traditions? Work with me here.)

You’re feeling alone and probably outcast. You’re hot, smelly and tired from a long road trip on a donkey that you did not want to take. Your baby is about to arrive, your probably in need of some home cooked food, and you’re looking forward to a comfortable Inn. Instead, you’re ushered into a cave where the locals bed down their animals. You get settled in, probably hoping that this is all very temporary, and then go into labor. To your dismay, there’s nowhere else to go and there’s no one around to help with the delivery. So your husband is elected in the heat of the moment to deliver your child in the modern-day equivalent of a barn.

Finally the baby arrives. You’re exhausted and ready for some alone time with your beautiful child. You’re also ready for a week’s worth of sleep, hopefully a bath and just then a crowd of sweaty shepherds show up for a visit!

Mary and Joseph were regular people and normal parents. Although I don’t see much of a lesson in the traditional romanticized manger scene, I see a wonderful example for parents today in the reality of what probably happened.

Let me give you a little background. Genesis records that when God first made everything he said it was good. In the beginning, before sin, it was all about God’s blessings, loving him and loving others, marriage, children, eating, working, living and laughing. God created life for us and created within us the matching desire for all of the wonderful joys of this life.

Unfortunately, the record of Genesis didn’t leave us there. Adam and Eve disobeyed God and brought sin and its devastating effects into all of our hearts and lives and into this world.

Jesus repaired what Adam and Eve broke. He gave his life so that everyone of us would again have the opportunity to have our sins forgiven and to live in our heavenly Father’s presence and blessings. However, we still live in a fallen world full of sin and its effects and we’re living in the middle of a war for the souls of billions of our fellow humans. God’s desire is to see all men saved and that desire has been placed in our hearts by God’s Holy Spirit.

So now we live with two God given desires that can often seem to be in conflict. The desire to fully live and enjoy life, and the desire to sacrifice all of that in order to reach out to a broken world.

Jesus addressed this conflict when he called us to seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness, and then told us that all of these things (the things of life that he created for us) would be given to us as well. (Matthew 6:33) Have you ever thought of this verse in the context of parenting and family life?

Notice that he didn’t say that life, children, family etc. were to be ignored or not enjoyed, but only that his Kingdom priorities had to be put first. Which of course makes sense. If you were to live in a country at war, your first difficult priority would be to secure your country otherwise how could you and your family possibly enjoy your life.

Today as Christian people and parents, we struggle weekly with the same conflict and it can be tough to find the balance. We want our children to have a fun life and to be happy, but we don’t want them to get mixed up in the world. We’d like to think that they can enjoy all of the world’s multimedia offerings and not be adversely affected, but we know better. We all love to sleep in on the weekends, but we know that attending church is part of God’s plan for strengthening our families and preparing us for the battle. Each one of us would like to see our children with comfortable, high paying careers, but we also know that it’s God’s will for their lives that’s more important. We are regularly faced with life choices that have us choosing between what we think could give our families a better life, and what is right or what we feel God wants us to do.

Until we realize that the conflict is normal, we sometimes beat ourselves up about it and think that if we were just better Christians, we wouldn’t struggle with these issues. The truth is God wants to bless us and have us learn, laugh, love and live our lives full of his joy and presence, but we are also called to further his Kingdom and he understands that the two often seem to be in conflict.

It’s not always easy to live life or find the right balance when we live with a Wal-Mart flyer in one hand and a book on ‘How Your Family Can Help Win the World for Christ’ in the other. It’s naturally a struggle and every one of us parents (not just you) is trying to find the balance everyday!

An ideal example of this struggle is how we fight to find balance in our Christmas celebrations. In our minds, one side of the equation fights for making Christmas the most fun for our family that it can possibly be. The other side fights for meaning and reminds us of the great opportunity Christmas offers us to reach out to others with love, aid, and the Gospel message. Many of us even struggle to find a balance between time spent focused on Jesus, and time spent focused on Santa and presents. However, if we recognize that it’s normal to struggle with this because both desires are God inspired, then instead of running to one side of the boat or the other and getting our family out of balance, we work towards finding a good mix of both for our family celebrations.

Plan the times of great fun and enjoyment around the moments of meaning, sacrifice and reaching out. Nice gifts for everyone on Christmas morning, but also a family evening packing wonderful things into a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child to deliver to a poor child somewhere in the world. Enjoying your churches Christmas play, but also helping out and inviting someone who hasn’t responded to the Gospel message yet. Putting up lots of fun and beautiful decorations, but also placing a nice manger scene front and center. Serve a large turkey dinner with all the trimmings, but also inviting someone who would not have had a family Christmas dinner otherwise.

When we do these things, get our children involved, and explain why we’re doing them, it helps our children to understand the natural conflict between the joy of living, and the need to focus first on God’s Kingdom and his righteousness.

I really do love manger scenes. I keep mine up all year round. However, the romanticized perfect picture of what Mary and Joseph lived through is not real and can get us thinking that real life, God’s holy calling and purposes are somehow two completely separate things that can’t exist together. It’s not true. Mary and Joseph were very real people who also struggled to live and enjoy their lives and family while they obeyed God, and joined in the fight for billions of souls.

So next time you look at a manger scene, imagine a little dirt on the floor, a look of exhaustion on Mary’s face and a real life struggle in Joseph’s mind, and feel encouraged—you’re in good company!

Do Christian kids believe in Santa Claus?

I used to get upset when I saw people replace the word ‘Christmas’ with ‘Xmas.’ I saw this abbreviation as another attempt to cross Christ out of Christmas. After blustering on about this at some length to all that would listen, I decided that I’d look up the origin and meaning of the little offensive word in order to give myself more bluster ammo. I was embarrassed, yet relieved, to find out that the word was not an anti Christ conspiracy after all. The symbol ‘X’ is simply a Greek abbreviation the represents the word ‘Christ’ and therefore Jesus, and has been around and used by Christians for hundreds of years.

Although I still believe that Xmas has become a clever way to stay politically correct, I learned a valuable lesson about ranting and raving before I’ve done a little research. Which brings me to the point of my blog;

I was shocked to learn that apparently 85% of kids under 8 are led to believe in a ‘literal’ Santa. Given the percentage of us who claim to be Christians, that means that many Christian children believe that Santa Claus celebrates Jesus’ birthday.This gives rise to meaningful questions such as, who is Saint Nicholas? How did he become Santa Claus? Is he an affront to the true meaning of Christmas and as Christian parents, what should we tell our kids about him? But before I bluster, let’s look at the history.

Nicholas was an actual person who lived in what is present day Turkey, about 300 years after Jesus walked the earth. He was the son of a rich noble man and inherited much when his parents died. He was a very devout man who served God all of his life. He was especially known for his generosity. One legend says that when Nicholas heard of a man who could not afford to marry off his daughters because they had no dowry, he conspired to secretly help. As each daughter came of age, Nicholas threw a small bag of gold through the window for her dowry. The third and final gift landed in the girl’s stocking which was hung by the fire to dry. This time the father caught and thanked Nicholas and the word spread. Consequently, for many years after, anonymous gifts were thought to have come from Nicholas.

Several miracles were attributed to Nicholas while he was alive and his reputation spanned several countries. After he died, December 6th was named Saint Nicholas day and children left out stockings or shoes the night before, and in the morning they were full of either goodies or coal (an antiquated and bad parenting idea). The stocking legend is of course the original origin of our modern day Christmas stocking.

The truth of Saint Nicholas was mixed with other myths and legends over many years and truth took a back seat to fiction. During the reformation when the Protestant Church was distinguishing and distancing itself from the Catholic church, Saint Nicholas (who since his death had become a Catholic Saint) was blessed (in several countries) with different posthumous name changes. With the name change came the need to change the new character’s history and resumé. Therefore (over a period of time), many of the non historic myths surrounding Saint Nicholas were adopted and added to the season’s celebrations. In short, protestants who didn’t want to believe in the real Saint Nicholas gave him a name change and started promoting the idea of believing in a fictional character. (Anyone else see some irony here.)

The Dutch had changed Saint Nicholas’ name to Sinter Claus and when they emigrated to New Amsterdam (which later became New York), the name’s English pronunciation eventually morphed into Santa Claus. Our idea of Santa grew from there. Clement Clarke Moore, another devout Christian, wrote a poem he called, ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas.’ Today it is known as ‘The Night Before Christmas.’ That poem pulled together some of these myths and ideas that had originally come from the life of St. Nicholas and/or had been changed and added to the protestant version. It attempted to weave them into one fun tale that Moore wrote as a lark for his children. He called the poem a ‘mere trifle’ and he’d roll over in his grave if he knew that for many families, it had become a replacement for the real Christmas story.

Saint Nicholas day was and is still celebrated in many countries around the world. However, here in North America, we blended all the myths and legends surrounding Saint Nicholas and/or Santa Claus (as they were brought here from other countries like Holland) with our Christmas celebration.

Over the years, advertisers, authors, TV shows and movies have further shaped the myth of Santa Claus into the story we tell our children today.

That is perhaps an over simplified history, but it serves its purpose which was to allow me to bluster. So let me begin. For the sake of brevity (because I tend to get long winded when I’m blustering), I’ll frame my thoughts in the form of three simple answers to three complicated questions.

Shouldn’t Christmas be simply about the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

As Christians celebrating Christmas, we should make great efforts to keep Jesus at the center of Christmas. I always put the manger scene front and center. When my children were younger, we always read the Christmas story from the Bible either on Christmas Eve or on Christmas morning. We would pray and focus on Christ before we opened presents and before each holiday meal, we took extra time to thank him for his wonderful gift. We also talk about the Christian origins of the Christmas Tree and Stocking.

Isn’t it wrong and possibly damaging to children to lie to them about Santa Claus?

This is an age-old question and one that has sparked many arguments. Studies have been commissioned and concluded that no lasting damage is done to kids who have been raised with this deception. The main argument supporting the deception is that it’s a cultural, just-for-fun lie, propagated by the whole population and not a parental deception alone. Therefore, it should not negatively affect a child’s trust for his or her parents. Unfortunately, this argument doesn’t deal with all of the issues.

Although I wouldn’t go as far as to say that you are wrong if you tell your children that Santa Claus (as we know him) is real, I will tell you I think you’re missing out on something greater.

First, the story of Santa Claus (which we’ve been embellishing with new imaginative ideas for hundreds of years) tends to be more exciting to a young child then the manger story. If your child is keyed into believing that Santa, elves, Rudolph and a BIG bag of toys are real, for them Christmas will be mainly about Santa and toys. 

Next, I think we do our children a disservice when we don’t expect them to understand or know truth from error until they are eight or ten. These are the formative years where our children are learning more than they’ll learn for the rest of their lives. When Jesus was twelve, he was wowing the religious leaders with his understanding of the truth. Furthermore, I don’t think we should ever lie to our children (or anyone else) about anything. God’s Word is clear on that topic.

Finally, I think that a practice that is based on two very faulty foundations (using a lie to control your child’s behavior [if they're bad they won't get a visit from Santa] and wanting to distance ourselves from the real Saint Nicholas because he was Catholic) should perhaps be rethought. Also, there’s a way to have all the fun without lying to our children..

Is it possible to have a Christ-centered Christmas and still enjoy some of the fanciful cultural excitement known as Santa Claus?

Yes! After reading the brief history of Santa Claus, it becomes evident why a reported 85% of parents today lie to their kids about Santa. One lie leads to another. It started out with telling 4th and 5th century kids that St. Nick might fill their stockings if they were good. Then protestants didn’t want to promote a Catholic Saint, but they still wanted the holiday so they expanded the deception.

Could we get back to the truth, parent well and endorse a great man of God without caring what church he attended?

Try this, tell your children about the real Saint Nicholas and the origins of the Christmas Stocking. Instead of telling them that they have to be good to get stuff, teach them what Saint Nicholas knew; God wants us to be generous and to give to others unselfishly like God did when he gave us his only Son. Now start a tradition of everyone putting little gifts in each other’s stockings.

Tell your kids how today’s Santa came about but don’t bah humbug the whole thing. Focus on the real Saint Nicholas but let the rest of the story ride as a bit of cultural fun. My kids always knew the truth but we gave a place for the imaginary add-ons. Do children enjoy Disney’s animated movies or the fiction books that we read them any less because they know that they’re not real stories? We as a family built snowmen and sang about frosty, we watched the animated Christmas shows and we included the silly and fun Christmas songs in with the traditional ones when we played our Christmas music. Before the kids went to bed, they put out cookies and coffee for Santa. We probably had more fun with this than anyone else because everyone knew it was a charade and played it up to the hilt, with winks and nods and the kids pretending to be suspicious about how Saint Nick seemed to like his coffee exactly how dad liked it, and lots more joking.

In the end, our Christmases were more focused on Jesus’ birth because my children knew what was real and important and what was just for fun.

Many years ago as a young Christian (when I was prone to bluster before the research was done), I used to call Santa and his elves, Satan Claus and his demons. However, I’m older now and hopefully a little wiser. I know the truth and that’s exactly what I’ve told my kids and will be telling my Grandkids. The truth and I plan on continuing to have a ton of fun celebrating our Lord’s birth in the culture we live in.

Rick Osborne (www.rick-osborne.com)

Legends of Christmas

Almost two weeks ago while driving through our neighborhood in the evening, I saw something in a front window of a house we were passing that caused a second look. A Christmas tree already set up – and it was just past the middle of November! The next evening my eyes were immediately drawn to 2 other houses that had their Christmas lights up. Again the following evening, a few more houses were lit up and so on and so on. The Christmas season had begun (well at least in our neck of the woods).

These early birds obviously love this time of year and enjoy extending it out as long as possible. On the other hand, there are also those who find the season stressful and only start to think about Christmas a week before the 25th and then everything is over the day after boxing day.

Christmas can mean different things to different people. For some it’s about snow, pretty lights, decorated christmas trees, gifts, or fun with family and friends. As Christians however, we should never lose sight of the importance and impact of God sending his own son down to earth for us, and then to also die for us so that we would have the privilege to know him, be taught by him, be changed by him, and be loved by him. We should be celebrating Jesus and keeping our thoughts turned towards him and acting out of a heart full of love and thankfulness towards others.

There are many reminders during the Christmas season that help direct our thoughts in the right direction. Our family has a nativity scene in our home that we keep up year round but at Christmas, it gets center stage. There are also many other traditional symbols that most people think are secular but actually have roots in the Christian faith. The Christmas Tree, Stockings and Candy Canes are examples and the traditional legends surrounding them all point to Jesus. They are wonderful stories to tell your children at Christmas time and every time you look at one of them, you can also be reminded of God’s love for you. Do you know the stories? Not to worry, we have them handy here for you and encourage you to print them off or forward them to your friends. How much brighter and happier our Christmas will be this year as our thoughts are focused on Jesus.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

CHRISTIAN PARENTING DAILY

 

(Recommended book – ages 4 to 8)

THE LEGEND OF THE CHRISTMAS TREE started over a thousand years ago when a Monk named Boniface used a small evergreen tree to teach people about God. First God is the creator, he created the tree. Next God is eternal like an evergreen tree is ever green. Also God is three in one, like the one tree forms a triangle and has three points. Soon after that, churches were bringing trees inside to help them teach like Boniface did.

Next during the middle ages, the church celebrated Adam and Eve day on December 24th. They would bring in and decorate evergreen trees with apples and twists of bread and use them to teach about the trees in the Garden of Eden and original sin.

Many centuries later, while walking home one winter night, Martin Luther saw icicles hanging off an evergreen tree and reflecting light. It reminded him that Jesus was the light of the world. So at Christmas time, he put up a tree in his home and put candles on it to represent Jesus.

Soon after that, people in Europe began putting up and decorating beautiful Christmas trees much like we do today to celebrate the wonder of Jesus coming to the earth to rescue us from our sins.

Boniface used the trees to teach about who God is and that he is our creator. The Adam and Eve tree taught about man’s fall in the Garden. Martin Luther went on to use lights to help the tree represent Jesus, the light of the world and complete the story. Then others added more decorations in celebration of all Jesus is and did. The tree is a reminder of God, creation, the fall, Jesus and the celebration of our salvation!

 

(Recommended book – ages 4 to 8)

THE LEGEND OF THE CHRISTMAS STOCKING began in present-day Turkey about 300 hundred years after Jesus was born. The exact details of the story have been lost, but legend tells us that Nicholas anonymously gave three bags of gold to a man whose daughters could not get married because he had no dowry. The last bag of gold reportedly landed in the youngest daughter’s stocking. Thus the tradition of putting gifts in stockings began.

Nicholas served God his entire life. His many generous deeds demonstrated God’s love and inspired people everywhere to give unselfishly.

Slowly over a period of time his name and appearance changed. In England, Saint Nicholas became Father Christmas. Today we call him Santa Claus, which came from the Dutch name for Saint Nicholas, Sinterklaas. In the early 1800s, the placing of gifts in stockings was moved from Saint Nicholas Eve, December 6, and became part of our Christmas celebration.

Behind the legends that the real Saint Nicholas inspired was the true meaning of Christmas: God gave us his only Son because he loves us. God wants us to show his love by giving to others and caring for them.

 

(Recommended book – ages 4 to 8)
THE LEGEND OF THE CANDY CANE was born over 350 years ago when mothers used white sugar sticks as pacifiers for their babies. Around 1670, the choirmaster of Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany, bent the sticks into canes to represent a shepherd’s staff. He then used these white candy canes to keep the attention of small children during the long Nativity service.

The use of candy canes during the Christmas service spread throughout Europe. In northern Europe, sugar canes decorated with sugar roses were used to brighten the home at Christmas time.

In the mid 1800s, the candy cane arrived in the United States when a German-Swedish immigrant in Wooster, Ohio, decorated his spruce tree with paper ornaments and white sugar canes.

The red stripe was added to the candy cane at the turn of the century, when peppermint and wintergreen were added and became the traditional flavors for the candy cane. Some sources say that a candy maker in Indiana developed the candy cane as a witness of Christ’s love. While we may never know the full history of the candy cane, we can share in the truth behind its symbol, the truth of Christ’s birth and redemption, and the gift of his love.

Is Thanksgiving Enough?

Are you one of those people who are always reminding other people (especially if you hear them complaining) that they have so much to be thankful for? If you’re not, you probably know someone like that and you’ve heard them say it many times.

Well I’m one of those people, only I take it even further because I believe being thankful is just the first step in a wonderful process that can draw us closer to God and to others. Let me explain.

How many times have you said ‘thank you’ to complete strangers? A waitress, a salesclerk, someone who held the door open for you, etc? Saying your thank yous in these situations is polite and thoughtful, but I don’t think it’s the level of thanksgiving that we should be giving to God and to those close to us. The kind of thankfulness that we are meant to give to God and to those we love goes deeper and has a greater purpose than those brief verbal gestures of gratitude.

Psalms 100:1 says, “Enter his (God’s) gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.”

In this verse, the Psalmist lets us know that when we first approach God, we should do it with thanksgiving. He goes on to say that praise comes after. If you look at verse 2, you’ll discover that the goal when coming to God is to get to worship. So three steps, thanksgiving, praise and then worship.

When I first learned this and started doing it, it seemed very staged. “Thank you God for everything, I praise you because you’re great and I bow before you and worship you because you are worthy.” Of course each stage would take me a little longer to get through but you see my point.

Then one day while I was laboring through this process with God, something clicked and I finally got it. God wants a personal relationship with us, not a robotic three stage approach-dance. How we relate to him, needs to be viewed with that in mind.

I started to understand that God created all relational principles. Often the same principles that apply to our relationship with him, apply to our relationship with others (the principles of forgiveness and mercy being two prime examples).

Let’s look at the simple meanings of the three above words and why they run in progression.

• Thankfulness: being thankful and thanking God specifically for things he has done for you (which leads to);
• Praise: saying wonderful things about who God is because of what he’s done (which leads to);
• Worship: seeking to be closer to God and give more of yourself to him because of how amazing he is and the wonderful things he does.

When you understand what the three words mean and how they relate, you can leave the robotics behind. Now at church or in my own quiet time, I start by thanking God for all of the wonderful stuff he’s done for me and has given me. That automatically leads me into thinking about and telling him how wonderful and faithful and loving he is. After focusing on that, I’m automatically taken to a place where I want to get closer to, and give myself more, to my loving, caring and generous Heavenly Father. I express that to him because he’s so great and has given so much.

It doesn’t have to happen in big stages either. It can be topical like this, “Thank you God for answering my prayer. I really didn’t know what I was going to do, but you worked it out so perfectly! You really are wonderful, kind and faithful! I was a little fretful about this to start with and I didn’t need to be. Help me to know you better and trust you more.” Thankfulness, praise and worship.

The three flow naturally from one to the next, and back to the beginning again, strengthening our relationship with God. As we draw closer to him and trust him more, he gets even more involved in our lives and we have more to be thankful for.

As I mentioned earlier, the same principle or three step process works in our relationships with others. We of course don’t worship people, so replace the word ‘worship’ with the word ‘give.’ When someone close to you does something for you, be sure to stop and thank them, but don’t cut the process short. After thanking them, sincerely compliment and praise them by pointing out how thoughtful or generous they are for doing what they did. After they’ve responded, move on to giving of yourself. Find a simple way to offer them something, express your desire to get to know them better, to spend more time with them, or even just offer to return the favor.

If you make a consistent habit of moving beyond thankfulness to the next two steps, you will start to see the relationships in your life, with God and others, grow deeper and more meaningful. One important caveat here, I’m not talking about flattery or being insincere. Be sure to keep your thankfulness, praise and offers to give of yourself, honest and sincere. It may start out small, but if you repeat the cycle and the other person responds, the relationship will grow.

What I realize now is that I used to stop at ‘thank you’ with God (despite my efforts at three step robotics) and with others. This wasn’t much different than the way I expressed my thankfulness to total strangers who work in retail. It was nice, but it didn’t grow my relationships.

Move beyond Thanksgiving and try this today with God and those you love. I’m sure like myself, you’ll be amazed at the results. And if you’re one of those people who remind others to be thankful, keep it up but also help them move past thanksgiving.

The really important parenting task that most of us miss (part 2)

HOW TO RAISE GREAT PARENTS

In my last post, we talked about how God’s original parent training program was that one generation teach the next how to parent God’s way. It’s our job as parents to not only learn how to parent God’s way and to do it effectively but also to teach our children how to be a parent while we are parenting them.

This sounds more daunting then it actually is. In reality, parenting while teaching to parent is the easiest and most effective way of parenting.

When we send our children to school, they go knowing that they need to go through the learning process and do well so that one day they’ll graduate. They know because we tell them. From there we encourage them by telling them that great marks lead to better post secondary education options and those options can lead to better career opportunities etc. We keep them going by helping them to understand and to take on the goals as their own.

If our children think the only goal of parenting is for them to try and have fun and for us to try and stop them, they don’t see the reward in the process and our task will be difficult. However, if we talk to them not only about the benefits to their life for doing things the right way, but also about how cooperating with the parenting process and learning how it works will help make them great parents, then they’ll be able to see a bigger purpose and a greater reward.

With my kids, I’d always break it down. I’d tell them what my role as a father looked like and what I was responsible to God for. I’d also tell them what their part as a kid was before God and what the purpose or outcome of the whole parent/child relationship is meant to be.

It’s quite simple. A parent’s job is to consistently and diligently instruct train and discipline their children so that by the time they leave home they are mature Christian adults prepared to work, live, love and parent successfully on their own. Each child’s job is to cooperate with their parents in the process and do everything they can to help themselves reach that same goal.

I found that this idea of working together towards the same goal always made things easier when things went off track. Instead of locking horns with my kids over an issue (say like homework) I’d merely sit them down and talk about our mutual goal and what we both could do in this situation to work together, solve the problem and eventually reach the goal. It was always more peaceful and my kids would respond much better than they would if they thought that I was merely trying to force my agenda on them.

If both parent and child understand and agree on their roles, the process and the goal, then it’s easier to work together and the parenting process becomes more of a joy. As you do this, the parenting process also becomes transparent and your child learns how to be a parent as they are being parented.

Now I said that the parenting books, courses etc, that I write and advocate should just be a booster shot to this process. Although I believe this ‘parent raising parents’ method is God’s primary parent training program, it’s not the only Biblical process for parent training. None of us know it all and we all have different teaching styles, personality types etc. that work better with some people than others. Therefore, it’s always helpful to get outside help from other parents, grandparents, family, church community and family ministries. The Bible teaches that in our church communities, the older women should teach the younger women (Titus 2:4). In other words, those with godly wisdom and experience in the community should help in the process of preparing the next generation to take over.

Christian parenting books, classes, courses and wisdom from others are all needed but they should come along side and help a young parent who has been taught to be a great parent while being parented.

If you haven’t started doing this yet, sit down with your child or children and discuss it and then start. I think you’ll find that it makes a world of difference.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘The Spiritual Growth of Children’.

 

 
 

 

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

The really important parenting task that most of us miss (part 1)

For those of you who read my blogs or my books, you know that I’m passionate about encouraging parents to apply themselves to learning how to parent. Parenting is not merely intuitive and it’s not only bad parents who need parenting books and courses, it’s all parents.

If you asked me to determine if a certain couple were great parents or not, I wouldn’t look first at the results but at the efforts they were making to learn and grow in the art of parenting. If you know how to get the right information and effectively and humbly apply it, the results will eventually follow. If you think you’re getting by but you’re not learning, then you’ll eventually come up against a problem that you don’t know how to solve properly and that will mess up your results.

I advocate parenting books, classes and courses but actually those resources should be mere booster shots that come along and support God’s original parent training program. When God spoke to Abraham and called him to teach his children after him to follow the Lord, in context (Genesis 18:18, 19), he wasn’t talking about just Abraham’s immediate children but generations of children. When God had Moses tell the Israelites to make sure that they taught their children to follow the Lord (Deuteronomy 6), again the context was that each generation pass it on to the next.

As an example of how to pass something from generation to generation, let’s look at farming. For centuries, farmers have passed the farm down to their children. How does that happen successfully? What if one generation farmed and got the kids to help from time to time and then one day they just handed them the keys to everything and moved to Florida. Either the farm would be sold or it would probably go under. In order for the farm to be passed on successfully, the parents must not only farm well but also teach their children everything they know about farming as they grow up, gradually preparing them for the task. God’s original parent training program is simply this, parents need to do everything they can to bring their children up well AND they need to all the while be teaching their children how to parent properly themselves.

That’s why I say that parenting books and courses should be booster shots. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to do one of the most important tasks they’ll ever undertake, raising children. Yes, we train by example but that’s not enough. We need to understand what we teach our children and why we’re teaching it to them. We need to understand the discipline, instruction and training process and explain it to our children as we go. For those of you who are feeling that this sounds daunting it’s not, it actually makes the job easier. I’ll explain how in my next blog.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘The Spiritual Growth of Children’.

 

 
 

 

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)