Are We There Yet?

“Are we there yet?” This little family road trip question has become so iconic, that it’s become common fodder for comic routines and movie scripts. I would imagine that this travel question has been around as long as families have been traveling. It’s probably a good thing that all of Noah’s sons were full-grown, or Mr. and Mrs. Noah may have probably ended up threatening to turn the boat around.

Think about the Israelite’s trek through the wilderness. After crossing the Red Sea, they got to the edge of the Promised Land quite quickly, but because they didn’t trust God and refused to go in, God sent them on a forty-year road trip. The idea was that all of the adults who refused to believe were to die before their children would be allowed in. Can you imagine the conversation, “Are we there yet?” “Am I dead yet?” Read more

Loving Our Kids on Our Knees (by James Banks)

Love has a way of bringing us to our knees. I’m learning that lesson from Don, and from my kids.

Don is a pastor whom God has used powerfully in our city (Durham, North Carolina). He’s a leader with a heart for others. He’s planted churches. He’s started a prayer ministry that has brought pastors together and resulted in effective crusades. He’s also had a television ministry.

Years ago, Don was on TV preaching on Proverbs 22:6: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” During the sermon, he intimated that if parents “really raise their kids right,” their children won’t go through prodigal years. Read more

Proverbs For Kids

The very first book I ever wrote was called, ‘Proverbs For Kids From The Book.’ Its illustrations introduced the beloved ‘verb characters’ (Proverbs in action - pictured here) and the book sold over 100,000 copies. The idea was to give parents a simple and effective tool to help them teach their children from the one book in the Bible that identifies itself as a book of teachings that parents are to pass on to their kids. (Proverbs 4:1 – 10)

King David taught his son, Solomon, godly wisdom, and Solomon wrote what he was taught, and also what he learned for himself serving God, down in the book of Proverbs. The book has been used to teach many, many generations of children, God’s wisdom and common sense.

Of course the book is inspired by God and included in his Word, and so it stands on its own as an amazing source for learning wisdom for our kids; but the irony of what became of Solomon in his later years, and his son Rehoboam, needs to be examined in order to understand how to truly teach our kids God’s wisdom.

Solomon started off very well. The well known story of him asking God for wisdom is legendary.

That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.” Solomon answered God, “You have shown great kindness to David my father and have made me king in his place. Now, LORD God, let your promise to my father David be confirmed, for you have made me king over a people who are as numerous as the dust of the earth. Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?” God said to Solomon, “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have.” (1 Chronicles 1:7 – 12 NIV)

His wisdom, accomplishments, and extreme wealth that all came as a result of that conversation with God, are well recorded (1 Kings 10) and are also legendary.

Unfortunately, Solomon’s apostasy is also recorded.

They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been. (1 Kings 11:2 – 4 NIV)

So this great man who was given so much wisdom that it wowed the world, lost it all because he forgot the most basic piece of ultimate wisdom that he learned from his dad, King David, and which he wrote down in Proverbs himself more than once;

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. (Proverbs 9:10 NIV)

Solomon’s son, the first young man to have benefited from the book of Proverbs (his father’s writings to his son) shared his father’s fate and didn’t turn out so wise. When he became king in his father’s place, he sought wisdom from counselors (good so far), but when his friends gave him different counsel, he decided to follow the not so wise ideas of his friends (not wise). The big thing though is, unlike his father who asked God for wisdom when he became king, there is no record of Rehoboam praying at all.

So what happened?

We are right to teach our children extensively from Proverbs and we should be, but there’s something else we need to teach them as well. The book of James is sometimes referred to as the New Testament’s book of Proverbs, and here’s what James (Jesus’ brother) had to say about wisdom;

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5 NIV)

James was aware of Solomon’s one time prayer for wisdom, but that is not what he was talking about. He was talking about communing with God, and looking to him in each situation for wisdom and guidance.

Somehow, Solomon got the idea that God gave him wisdom so that he could run off and do what he wanted with it. Imagine a person who wants to learn about investing. They are offered the opportunity to work with, and be taught by, the greatest expert in investing in the world. This beginner doesn’t want to take the time working with this expert, so when he meets him, declines the opportunity and asks instead for the expert to recommend a good textbook on the topic.

Solomon didn’t seek God and run after him to know him, love him and serve him. He took the wisdom and ran off (like the guy with the textbook) full of wisdom without walking with, and working with, the one who created everything including wisdom. I wonder what would have happened if Solomon had asked God to help him know him, and to be with him and instruct him as he ruled. Sometimes we do the same thing, we want God’s wisdom so we can run off and make money with it, or get busy with our life plans, but do we stop to get to know God and his plans?

I love this verse that Paul penned under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit:

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. (Ephesians 1:17 NIV)

Paul knew that the ultimate purpose of wisdom is to help us draw closer to God and know him better.

Here’s another great verse that Paul wrote:

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. (Colossians 2:2, 3 NIV)

All of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden in Christ. So how do we access them? The same way the disciples did, by knowing Christ; we walk with him daily, looking to him to teach us, guide us, grow us and give us wisdom in every circumstance.

Jesus died for us so that, yes, our sins could be forgiven, but also so that we could enter into fellowship with the Father and himself, and learn from them, and follow them and become all that they created us to be.

We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. (1 John 1:3 NIV)

Talk to your kids about this post; read them the story of Solomon and discuss what happened. Then start diving into the book of Proverbs, asking God to help you know him, and to teach you and help you learn wisdom daily. Teach your kids to pray for wisdom in each circumstance of life, and the Holy Spirit will remind them of what they’ve learned and help them apply it. Jesus said he’d never leave us or forsake us; that doesn’t mean that he’s still kind of on the job even though he’s far away. No, through the person of the Holy Spirit who lives in us, he’s walking with us moment by moment wanting to teach and train us, just as he did with the disciples, only more effectively because he’s now doing it from within.

Sorry, the book ‘Proverbs For Kids’ that I talked about at the beginning of this post is currently out of print, but we’re currently working on the ebook version. If you want to know when it’s available, sign up to our e-News & Updates on the homepage and you’ll be one of the first to know about it. But please don’t wait, start teaching your kids to walk in God’s wisdom today.

 

Wazzup? Moments

Have you noticed that over the last decade family homes have become larger? It seems that over a period of many years, generally speaking, families have been retreating from the community and tending to spend more time at home. So the home, needing to be a place where you can spend a lot of time, has become bigger. However, when homes grow bigger, separation and seclusion within a family can happen. Family members can all be home and never be together. They’re all in different rooms.

The home that I raised my kids in had many rooms, and sometimes I literally had to become a mini search party of one in order to find out where everyone was. I would be between tasks and hear the glorious but telltale sound of complete household silence; always glorious because there’s no noise, but telltale because the level of silence is a meter that gauges individual seclusion. Complete household silence usually indicates complete individual seclusion.

That’s when I would go on my one-man search party. As I found each child, I’d sit for a short time and engage him or her in a little “wazzup” talk. It takes only a few minutes, but it reconnects everyone to the family collective. The best part is that it doesn’t take long. You just need to take advantage of the minutes you have between tasks to personally connect with each of your children.

Another thing I did and still do to counteract individual seclusion and get in some quality family moments is to get some or all of us to seclude ourselves in the same room. If my wife and I are reading in the evening, sometimes we’ll grab our books and sit in the living room. Then we let the other family members know what we’re doing and they’ll sometimes grab their books and join us. I really love doing this because we end up laughing and talking and taking breaks together.

It takes only minutes to battle seclusion, but it’s worth it.

Parent’s Timeout

Much of the time reading email forwards is just a waste of time. I find that my inbox fills up with them until I have to take an hour or  two to scan through them. The reason that I eventually put in the time is, because every once in awhile, I find a few that are hilarious and/or inspiring and worth sharing with others. Here’s one such email forward that I’d like to share with you:

The Neighbor’s Dog

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:  ’I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: ‘He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?’

Unfortunately, as with most email forwards, this came to me with no links or author credits so I don’t know where it came from or even if it actually happened. However, it’s hilarious, and most of us can see it happening and can identify with it.

Some families give their kids ‘timeouts’ when they’re misbehaving. Many times the misbehaving comes at times when the child is tired, hungry, frustrated, etc. and the time-out really just serves to settle them down so that they can be talked to and dealt with rationally.

This email forward reminded me that parents get tired and frustrated from time to time and also need a timeout. It’s when we push ourselves past our own strength and run ahead parenting, even when we’re tired and/or frustrated, that we end up misbehaving towards or in front of our children. Every parent needs an exit strategy. Kind of like a fire escape plan so that you can get a little rest when you feel the need before you reach the end of your rope and parent badly. Here are some ideas:

• If you’re a full time, at home parent, and your spouse has an outside job, arrange for your spouse to take the kids for a hour when they get home to let you escape to what ever relaxes you (a bath, exercise, a prayer walk, etc.).
• If your kids have nap times, coordinate the naps to happen all at once. Even kids who are older can have a ‘quiet time’ in their room while their younger siblings are napping. Take some of this time and do something that relaxes you. Resist the temptation to spend all of this time doing chores. You being rested for your kids is more important.
• If your kids take well to the stroller or riding in the car, get out and take a walk or a drive. Don’t have an agenda, just walk and/or drive to relax and maybe see some nice scenery.
• Make time each evening, after all the kids are bedded down, to do something that relaxes you, reading, praying, chatting with friends online etc. Identify which activities recharge you and spend even a small amount of time recharging.
• Plan a bigger timeout at least once a week. Get a babysitter and get out and about doing something you enjoy.

What do you do to make sure that your batteries are recharged so that you can parent calmly and in control? Leave your comments, they could be helpful to another parent. We may not be able to follow our dog to the neighbor’s house, but with a little bit of planning we can keep ourselves rested and ready to go.

(If you know where the email forward originated, please let me know so that I can give proper credit.)

Best Date Ever (by Joey Watkins)

Hey Fellow Dad,   

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that there are times when your marriage isn’t always as great as you’d like it to be.

In my family, we have 3 very active children, a fourth one on the way, a family-run business, and we homeschool. Finding time to spend alone with my wife is a bit challenging.

Yet I know for an absolute fact that the times when I take her out on dates and give her my complete, undivided attention and focus means more to her… and to our marriage… than almost anything else I could do.

I know this because she has told me so… more than once.

All the flowers, chocolate, jewelry, movies, or anything else I “buy” for her don’t even come close to the love she feels from me when I simply give her my time and focused attention. It makes her feel valued and cherished by me.

One of the best dates we’ve ever had was exactly like this. Since Valentine’s Day is coming up,  I asked her to briefly share about it. (The book she mentions is called My Wife Journal, and I highly recommend it no matter what stage of marriage you are at.)

“This is what I can tell you from my heart. I will always remember our date on a cold winter night.

Rather than getting dessert at the restaurant and rushing off to see a movie, our going to the quiet, empty eating area of a local supermarket was one of the best dates I’ve ever had with you.

It was so much better than any flowers or anything you personally could have bought me.  With your work at such a hectic pace in your life, it was like you took the time to stop and focus on me.

More than anything, what I really long for is your time and focused attention.  I wasn’t sure what you were slipping out of your pocket with a pen in your hand. I thought you were going to share another one of your entrepreneurial ideas or business strategies.

It was the coolest thing for you to actually start asking me personal questions.  It was as though my heart began to melt and by the end of our date night I was laughing and holding your hand.

One of my favorite books that you own is the my wife journal.  Thank you for keeping it in a private place and guarding what I shared with you. Thank you for making our time together conversational and when I asked you the same questions, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. 

Thank you for dazzling me with something more beautiful than diamonds and much more significant than flowers!”

Fellow Dad, I can’t tell you enough how much my wife appreciated this date. I hope this encourages you in your marriage. 

You can learn more about the “My Wife Journal” here.

Blessings on your marriage,
Joey Watkins Founder, FamilyDads

PS – Don’t forget, Valentine’s Day is February 14th! 

FamilyDads is a dad-founded and dad-focused organization committed to helping dads prioritize and lead their families. Learn more at http://www.FamilyDads.com