Dr. Mark Holder, a psychology professor at The University of British Columbia, led a study to determine what factors have the greatest influence on a child’s happiness. He and his team surveyed more than 300 children ages 9 to 12. The researchers also asked the parents and teachers of the children to rate their happiness.

The result? In Dr. Holder’s own words, “The more spiritual the children were, the happier they were.”

Perhaps you’re thinking, “That’s great. We take our children to church and read Bible stories to them”. Yes, that is helpful but it’s not what the survey was focused on. In fact, the Doctor said that religious activities such as going to church didn’t seem to make a difference in a child’s happiness level.

It was their inner belief system that made the difference, their personal belief in God, sensing his presence, relying on him and praying or talking to God on their own.

This study is an important reminder that Sunday school, Bible Stories, bedtime and mealtime prayers are all important but if we forget to focus on the reason for these activities, we are merely engaging our family in religious forms.

The core of Christianity is a relationship with our Creator and Heavenly Father, God. Prayer is about talking to him, getting closer to him and being more reliant on him. We read the Bible to learn more about God, understand him better and therefore get closer to him. We go to church for that same reason and also to be in a community of believers, supporting one another in drawing closer to God.

Often we say that Jesus died to pay the price for our sins and he did. That was the reason he had to die, but it wasn’t his ultimate purpose. The goal was to restore us to a wonderful relationship with our Heavenly Father. Sin was merely the obstacle that stood in the way of the relationship. When we accept Christ, all our sins are forgiven. We are not to stop at the cross but run towards our loving Father, who desires to be known by us and to be close to us.

When we’re talking to our children about spiritual things or walking them through spiritual disciplines, we need to remember the point and constantly direct them, and their hearts, towards a real relationship with our awesome God.

The university survey affirms what the Bible has always taught. In Ephesians, the Apostle Paul brought the Old Testament commandment and promise to children forward into the New.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1 – 3)

In the original context, God first told the Israelites to obey and follow him. He went on to tell them that life would go well for them if they did and that they should teach their children to do the same. Then he told the children to obey and honor their parents. So in context, God told the children to obey their parents as they taught them to follow him, then things would go well for them and they’d enjoy life. It’s getting to know God (not just honoring us) that makes our children’s lives happy.

Dr. Holder’s survey is a wonderful reminder to us to make sure that we’re building our children’s inner Faith and not just walking them through outer religious disciplines.

When we take our child’s hand and place his or her hand in God’s, teaching them to seek him, love him, rely on him and follow him, we set them on a very firm foundation.

For more help on introducing your children to God and helping them grow closer to him, we recommend the Focus on The Family Christian Parenting resource ‘Teaching Your Kids About God.’

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)