Hilarious retelling of the Bible’s big story

Someone sent me the following as an email forward. The email gave no credits or links, so I’m not sure who it was written by. However I do know that it’s hilarious. It was reportedly written by a young person who was asked to do a book report on the Bible. Enjoy.

The Bible

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something. Read more