(photo by vaniadasilva)

The best way to explain to our children how God answers or doesn’t answer their prayers is to draw a simple parallel between their asking us for things and their asking God for things.

There are basically three answers children can anticipate when asking parents for something: yes, which may come with some stipulation or adjustment to the original request; no, which is usually accompanied by one or more good reason; and maybe, the category that most parental responses fall into.

• Our children make certain requests of us with the expectation of getting a yes answer – requests for things that they basically already know our will on. For instance, if we always let them have friends over on the weekend, let them watch a certain television show, allow them to have a snack at a certain time, or take them out for lunch after church, they’d anticipate a yes.
• Then there are requests that our kids fully expect to get a no answer to. For example, if it’s an established family rule that we don’t have friends over on school nights, or that no one turns the TV on until homework is done, or that a big bowl of ice cream after school isn’t an acceptable snack, then if our kids asked us if we’d consider making an exception, they’d anticipate a no.
• Finally, there are a whole lot of requests that our children make of us that have no predetermined answer: Nothing in the past would help our kids anticipate with any certainty what our answer might be. They know that the answer could be either yes or no, depending on what kinds of things we consider in the decision-making process. For example, if a go-cart track had opened up a few miles from home and our children’s friends had gone there and had a great time, our children might well ask us to take them there. If they knew that we often took the family out on special outings similar to this, they’d have reason to hope for a yes, although they couldn’t be sure. After all, there might be factors that they’re not aware of that would cause us to say no or not yet – factors such as the family budget, other plans for the weekend, or safety concerns.

This parallel holds true when our children request things from God. There are many things outlined in the Bible that God has already said he’ll either give us or agree to. For example, God has told us again and again that he’ll meet our basic needs – needs for food, clothing, shelter, and so on. And we know that he has instructed us, for our own good, to follow his principles – but he has also said that he’ll help us learn to follow those principles. So if we ask God to help us always tell the truth or be a better friend, or learn to say only kind things, or control our anger, we know that the answer is predetermined: it’s yes. We’ll call these prayers “yes prayers.”

There are many yes prayers outlined in the Bible. As we’ve discussed, the Bible helps us know who God is, what he’s like, and what he’s willing to do. That’s why getting to know and read our Bible is essential for developing a strong prayer life and a close relationship with God. As we get to know the Bible better, we’ll know more about what we can ask God for and anticipate a yes.

But there are also requests to which we can anticipate receiving a definite no from God, as the Bible shows. We’ll call these requests “no prayers.” For example, the Bible says that God is love and that we’re to forgive people who wrong us. Understanding that, we know that if we get really made at someone and pray that god will punish him or her on our behalf, the answer will be no.

The majority of things that our children talk to God about fall into the same category as the majority of things they talk to us about: they’re prayers that might get a yes answer or might get a no answer: We’ll call them “maybe prayers.” Occasionally the parallel breaks down here, unfortunately, because we’re less than perfect as parents. Our children may ask us for something that’s actually perfectly reasonable. Thinking just of them, we should give a yes answer, but the answer becomes no because to grant the request would greatly inconvenience us, or perhaps we’re just too tired to do the work required of a yes response.

Whenever our children ask God for something reasonable and there’s no reason that they shouldn’t have it, the answer will be yes. But as in the go-cart example, there are many times that a maybe prayer receives a no answer or a not yet answer from God because he knows the bigger picture: he knows how the answer will affect us, he knows our life schedule, and he knows whether a yes answer to this request would take us in the wrong direction. He knows what’s good for us and what isn’t, and what’s safe and what isn’t. God hears and responds to every one of our maybe prayers, but we need to help our children realize that he answers according to his greater knowledge of who we are, where we are, and where we’re going. But we can always be sure that his answer is in our best interest.

At some point your children might wonder; If all of this is true, then why pray? Why not just let what’s going to happen, happen? The parallel drawn earlier between your children asking you and them asking God will help you answer this question. Although your kids can trust you, if they never let you know what they wanted or expressed their interests and preferences, they’d end up missing out on a lot that you’d have been willing to give them if they’d talked to you about it.

Nothing gets by God. He knows what we need and desire, but because he gave us a will and wants a relationship with us in which we express our interests, preferences, and desires, he doesn’t automatically do things in our life. The New Testament writer James sums if up by saying, “You don’t have what you want, because you don’t ask God” (James 4:2). When it comes to yes prayers and maybe prayers, God wants us to talk to him and ask him for things, and he wants to do the things that we’d like in our life. It’s a partnership, a relationship.

Help your kids understand that, that is the way God set it up, and that’s the way he made it work. The more we talk to him and spend time getting to know him and letting him know what it is that we want and need, the more he does in our lives.

To further help your child understand who God is, I recommend the book: Talking to Your Children About God.