Often, when we get into important conversations with our children it’s because of an event that has happen in our lives or around us. When these talks take place, it’s great to bring what the Bible says into each discussion. However, since it’s what the Bible says that’s eternal and most important, it’s even better to start there and bring what’s happening around us into the Biblical discussion.

Here are some Bible verses with political implications to use as discussion starters that you can print out to get the discussion rolling.

When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice; when the wicked rule, the people groan. (Proverbs 29:2)

(The Bible teaches that God wants leaders and governments to be honest and just. Is there anything we can do to help ensure that our leaders are righteous?)

“Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to them, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” (Matthew 22:21)

Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place.” (John 18:36)

(Many Jews who lived in Jesus’ time didn’t like the Roman government. Can we conclude from Jesus’ words how he felt?)

For Herod himself had given orders to have John arrested, and he had him bound and put in prison. He did this because of Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife, whom he had married. For John had been saying to Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother’s wife.” (Mark 6:17, 18)

(John the Baptist spoke out against the bad behavior of one of his political leaders. Is there anything we can do when we see our politicians acting incorrectly?)

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.
For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you.
For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.
Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.
This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing.
Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. (Romans 13:1 – 7)

(What do these verses tell us about not only our political leaders but also the police and the military? Does submitting to authorities mean that we have to go along with them even when they do wrong?)

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone–for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. (1 Timothy 2:1, 2)

(According to these verses what is the most powerful thing we can do to change our government? What does the last thirteen words of these verses tell you about what people’s lives should look like when good leaders are in government?)

I had the pleasure of knowing Larry Burkett and being able to call him my friend for several years before he left us to be with our Lord. He was a wonderful person, a faithful friend and an awesome man of God. He studied the Bible and understood perhaps better than anyone what God’s Word says and teaches about money.

I met Larry shortly after he wrote ‘The Coming Economic Earthquake’ and although I didn’t understand all of what he was saying about where the economy was going, we talked about something that was near to my heart. Him and his son Allen Burkett Jr. wanted to help parents teach their kids Biblical financial principles so that Christians and the Church in the generations to come could stand strong during tough times.

Larry showed me the conclusions of a nation wide survey that tested the financial IQ of high school seniors. The director of the report summed up the results by saying that our kids were graduating financially illiterate. He also shared with me statistics that showed that 85% of young couples who divorce site financial issues as the reason for their marital breakdown. That discussion led to Larry and I co-writing the book ‘Financial Parenting.’ I also went on to work with both Larry Sr. and Jr. to develop many resources that help parents teach their children financial principles.

The Bible tells us that as parents we are to bring our children up in the instruction of the Lord. The Bible doesn’t just teach us about God, love and salvation. Moses, Solomon, Jesus, Paul and others were all used by God’s Spirit to teach us about stewardship and proper money management. It’s our job as parents to safeguard our children’s future by intentionally bringing them up in these truths.

I don’t know if the ‘Economic Earthquake’ as Larry saw it is here yet but I do know that if we want our kids to survive financially, now and in the future, we need to spend some time teaching them what God’s Word says about money.

The Coming Economic Earthquake, Financial Parenting and the other resources we developed for kids have been selling well and helping families for years but perhaps they are even more relevant and more important now.

Although Larry Burkett is no longer with us, every book he wrote was based on God’s Word and therefore timeless and very relevant today. I highly recommend the following books and any other’s with my friend’s name on them.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

I remember hearing this saying when I was young and my Granny was still alive. I remember wondering why (if this saying were true as a fact as well as a metaphor) she would hang her unmentionables on our clothes line when she visited. Now I should mention that my Gran was a wonderful lady but she was a very large woman and her private garments would attract attention. However, for some reason she seemed oblivious to this fact.

I’m telling this story because I believe that somehow, somewhere along the way, we’ve adopted the idea that what happens behind closed family doors is no one’s business but our own. Which has again somehow led to the idea that we are free to behave in ways in our homes that we would not act in public.

Although I’ve seen this in many Christian homes, it is not God’s idea of how a Christian home should function. Being a Christian is about who we are and who we’re becoming, it’s not just about what we believe. As we submit our lives to God, he by his grace and the work of the Holy Spirit begins (and never stops) to change our hearts and that change should be reflected in our behavior. The first place that our changed behavior should show up is in our closest relationships – in our family relationships.

The Apostle Paul wrote these words. “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2)

Notice that Paul assumes that our best behavior would be used on our family members and he therefore exhorts Timothy (and us) to treat other Christians how we treat our family. Would it go over well if you treated the people at church the same way you’ve allowed yourself to treat your spouse and/or children from time to time in the privacy of your own home?

In the same letter to Timothy, Paul outlines the qualifications for leaders in the church and reveals that what goes on at home either qualifies or disqualifies you for leadership. Would others question your ability to minister to others if they saw a video (taken secretly) of you at home?

The only Biblical application I can see for ‘Don’t air our family’s dirty laundry’ is that we shouldn’t gossip about our family members or maliciously share their mistakes with others. Our homes should be a safe place to grow and make mistakes but it was never meant to be a place where we can behave badly because we’ve been led to believe that a Las Vegas like slogan applies, ‘what happens at home stays at home’.

Try this, next time you’re reading the Bible, with each instruction ask yourself “Am I living this at home?” If you’re not, stop and pray and ask for God’s help. Also start checking your home behavior, if you’re about to scream or get unreasonable stop and think if you’d speak that way to your pastor. If you’re doing something that you wouldn’t want to talk about Sunday morning then think about why you’d even consider behaving that way in front of the ones you love the most.

Perhaps my Granny knew this to be true and was reversing the metaphor when she hung out her large unmentionables to dry. Or perhaps she just wanted dry unmentionables. I’ll ask her when I get to heaven.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘Teaching Kids About God’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

In my last post, we talked about how God’s original parent training program was that one generation teach the next how to parent God’s way. It’s our job as parents to not only learn how to parent God’s way and to do it effectively but also to teach our children how to be a parent while we are parenting them.

This sounds more daunting then it actually is. In reality, parenting while teaching to parent is the easiest and most effective way of parenting.

When we send our children to school, they go knowing that they need to go through the learning process and do well so that one day they’ll graduate. They know because we tell them. From there we encourage them by telling them that great marks lead to better post secondary education options and those options can lead to better career opportunities etc. We keep them going by helping them to understand and to take on the goals as their own.

If our children think the only goal of parenting is for them to try and have fun and for us to try and stop them, they don’t see the reward in the process and our task will be difficult. However, if we talk to them not only about the benefits to their life for doing things the right way, but also about how cooperating with the parenting process and learning how it works will help make them great parents, then they’ll be able to see a bigger purpose and a greater reward.

With my kids, I’d always break it down. I’d tell them what my role as a father looked like and what I was responsible to God for. I’d also tell them what their part as a kid was before God and what the purpose or outcome of the whole parent/child relationship is meant to be.

It’s quite simple. A parent’s job is to consistently and diligently instruct train and discipline their children so that by the time they leave home they are mature Christian adults prepared to work, live, love and parent successfully on their own. Each child’s job is to cooperate with their parents in the process and do everything they can to help themselves reach that same goal.

I found that this idea of working together towards the same goal always made things easier when things went off track. Instead of locking horns with my kids over an issue (say like homework) I’d merely sit them down and talk about our mutual goal and what we both could do in this situation to work together, solve the problem and eventually reach the goal. It was always more peaceful and my kids would respond much better than they would if they thought that I was merely trying to force my agenda on them.

If both parent and child understand and agree on their roles, the process and the goal, then it’s easier to work together and the parenting process becomes more of a joy. As you do this, the parenting process also becomes transparent and your child learns how to be a parent as they are being parented.

Now I said that the parenting books, courses etc, that I write and advocate should just be a booster shot to this process. Although I believe this ‘parent raising parents’ method is God’s primary parent training program, it’s not the only Biblical process for parent training. None of us know it all and we all have different teaching styles, personality types etc. that work better with some people than others. Therefore, it’s always helpful to get outside help from other parents, grandparents, family, church community and family ministries. The Bible teaches that in our church communities, the older women should teach the younger women (Titus 2:4). In other words, those with godly wisdom and experience in the community should help in the process of preparing the next generation to take over.

Christian parenting books, classes, courses and wisdom from others are all needed but they should come along side and help a young parent who has been taught to be a great parent while being parented.

If you haven’t started doing this yet, sit down with your child or children and discuss it and then start. I think you’ll find that it makes a world of difference.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘The Spiritual Growth of Children’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

For those of you who read my blogs or my books, you know that I’m passionate about encouraging parents to apply themselves to learning how to parent. Parenting is not merely intuitive and it’s not only bad parents who need parenting books and courses, it’s all parents.

If you asked me to determine if a certain couple were great parents or not, I wouldn’t look first at the results but at the efforts they were making to learn and grow in the art of parenting. If you know how to get the right information and effectively and humbly apply it, the results will eventually follow. If you think you’re getting by but you’re not learning, then you’ll eventually come up against a problem that you don’t know how to solve properly and that will mess up your results.

I advocate parenting books, classes and courses but actually those resources should be mere booster shots that come along and support God’s original parent training program. When God spoke to Abraham and called him to teach his children after him to follow the Lord, in context (Genesis 18:18, 19), he wasn’t talking about just Abraham’s immediate children but generations of children. When God had Moses tell the Israelites to make sure that they taught their children to follow the Lord (Deuteronomy 6), again the context was that each generation pass it on to the next.

As an example of how to pass something from generation to generation, let’s look at farming. For centuries, farmers have passed the farm down to their children. How does that happen successfully? What if one generation farmed and got the kids to help from time to time and then one day they just handed them the keys to everything and moved to Florida. Either the farm would be sold or it would probably go under. In order for the farm to be passed on successfully, the parents must not only farm well but also teach their children everything they know about farming as they grow up, gradually preparing them for the task. God’s original parent training program is simply this, parents need to do everything they can to bring their children up well AND they need to all the while be teaching their children how to parent properly themselves.

That’s why I say that parenting books and courses should be booster shots. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to do one of the most important tasks they’ll ever undertake, raising children. Yes, we train by example but that’s not enough. We need to understand what we teach our children and why we’re teaching it to them. We need to understand the discipline, instruction and training process and explain it to our children as we go. For those of you who are feeling that this sounds daunting it’s not, it actually makes the job easier. I’ll explain how in my next blog.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘The Spiritual Growth of Children’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

Throughout the Bible, children are considered to be a gift from God and a blessing to the parents who receive them.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)

Scripture contains many prayers and songs thanking God for the blessing of children, including those of Sarah, Hannah, and Mary. Mary had heard the stories of Sarah and Hannah and had learned that children are an awesome gift and a blessing.

Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” (Luke 1:46-47)

If you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, here it comes. Sometimes parenting can seem downright overwhelming. Children need constant care, training, and discipline, and none of us is perfectly up to the task. So at times we feel tempted to consider the gift of children as anything but a blessing. I once heard a mother say to her young teenager (in jest of course), “Watch it, buster! I brought you into this world and I can take you back out again!” That about sums up the way we sometimes feel, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, sometimes it goes beyond having a bad day or a frustrating moment. Many parents firmly believe that parenting is a burden, that children are rebels and mischief-makers, that teenagers and adults don’t get along, and that siblings would all but kill each other if left alone. I’ve heard parents complain that their kids won’t listen, won’t help, don’t care, and are just huge pains in their backsides. When we believe these things, we lower the bar of expectation and learn to live with substandard behavior instead of looking to God for help and solutions and choosing to believe God when he calls children a blessing. If God gave children to you as a blessing and considers them a blessing, then he’s already prepared to give you every thing you need to experience them as a blessing.

When we choose to believe what God says about our children being a blessing, we raise the bar and look for ways to learn how to resolve conflict, restore relationships, and parent God’s way. And eventually we see peace return to our households.

If you feel worn out and at the end of your rope with your children, stop and pray right now. Give your situation to God and ask him for help, wisdom, and workable solutions. Look up advice online, read a parenting book and/or ask for help from a parent who you’ve witnessed doing a great job. Ask God to return the atmosphere of his blessing to your household and children. Once you’ve done that, start thanking him (and keep doing it daily) for your children, trusting him that he’s heard your prayer, that he’s helping you learn and grow, and that he’s turning things around.

Don’t expect things to get perfect overnight, but continue to stay focused on God’s affirmation that being a parent is a gift and a blessing. Know that if he calls parenting a blessing, then he’ll help get your family to the place where it is. Then watch him slowly but surely return the joy of parenting.

And even if our household usually reflects God’s blessing, we can still all take a page out of Sarah’s book. When things start to slide, remember to check your perspective, laugh, and remind God that he called this whole parenting thing a blessing. Then ask him for the wisdom, grace, and help to cause your experience to match his statement.

Please help spread the word to the next generation. Children are a blessing from God but so is gardening/farming and money. But as with all blessings we need to apply ourselves to learning how to garden/farm, manage our money and parent properly if we want any of these blessings to be a success and a joy.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

We’ve all seen supermarket tantrums. If God intended children to be a blessing, why does it seem that for so many, they are not?

Let’s look specifically at one Bible couple to see if we can find the answer. I believe that God told Abraham and Sarah to name their son Isaac, which means “laughter,” in order to confirm this pair’s conviction that Isaac truly was a gift and a blessing from God. Let me explain.

When both Abraham and Sarah heard the Lord say that they would have a son, they responded with laughter. Yes, they laughed in part because they had long before left behind their childbearing years; and Sarah at least laughed somewhat because of doubt. But another emotion also bubbled under the surface. If someone told you that he was going to give you an all-expenses-paid, month-long vacation anywhere in the world, how would you respond? You might well respond with laughter that said, “Wow! That’s just way too great to be true!” Abraham and Sarah felt so overjoyed by the possibility of having a child that they could hardly believe it to be true.

When God had earlier told Abram that he would father a multitude of descendants, as numerous as the stars in the sky, we read, “Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness” (Genesis 15:6). Yet when God repeated the still-unfulfilled promise many years later, we read a different story;

Abraham fell face down; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” (Genesis 17:17)

Is this unbelief? The apostle Paul didn’t think so, for he wrote,

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead – since he was about a hundred years old – and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
(Romans 4:18-21, emphasis added)

Scripture does not have the same words of commendation for Sarah, who had a different reaction to the news:

So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?” (Genesis 18:12, emphasis added)

Yet here’s how Sarah responded when the promise came true:

Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.” (Genesis 21:5-6)

God had turned Sarah’s skeptical laugh into joyful laughter!

Abraham and Sarah viewed the birth of Isaac as an awesome and wonderful thing. God had them call their son ‘laughter’ because he was affirming his agreement that children are an awesome blessing that should bring us overwhelming joy.

However, in Genesis 18 God reveals some instructions that he gave Abraham and Sarah that they needed to follow in order for parenting to continue being a blessing.

For I have chosen him (The Lord speaking about Abraham), so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” (Genesis 18:19)

God intended for parenting to be a blessing but it can only be a blessing if we follow his parenting instructions and raise our children according to his Word. The simple reason why children become a burden is that many parents believe that parenting is intuitive and/or they don’t know that parenting is something they have to apply themselves to learning.

It seems incredible to me that now a days, if you mention to someone that perhaps a parenting book or course would be helpful, most take it as an insult. Surely, only bad people or bad parents need such things. Don’t good people become good parents intuitively? I believe that it’s this attitude and approach to parenting that has caused tantrums in the supermarket to become a regular part of the grocery shopping experience, but it doesn’t have to be.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

I apologize for the video. Let me be clear, I am not endorsing the product and I think the whole idea behind the video is appalling. However, the fact that this commercial was made and that people find it funny or appropriate, perfectly illustrates the point of my next few posts. Many people today believe that kids are generally horrible, that parenting is a huge thankless burden, and that having kids should be avoided. According to many statistical reports that I’ve viewed, the percentage of couples who are choosing not to have kids is increasing significantly ever year. So did God tell us to be fruitful and multiply so we could spend 20 years being miserable? Not! God meant parenting to be a joy not a burden.

I love it that the first recorded words of God to humankind are all about the joy of parenting;

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number.” (Genesis 1:28)

Please notice that not only did God’s first recorded message to us concern children, but he stated it as a blessing not as a burden: “God BLESSED them and said…”

Recently someone told me of a couple who declared that they had decided not to have children because they enjoyed their freedom and lifestyle too much and wanted to remain selfish about it. Although I admire this couple for recognizing their shortcomings, they have their wires severely crossed. Having children and raising them God’s way is not a burden – it’s a gift and a blessing from God. If that couple knew what a blessing it could be, they would jump at the chance to have children and thereby enrich their lives. Yes, raising children is a responsibility; every blessing comes with responsibilities. Having a lot of money is a huge responsibility, but who would refuse a million dollars because of the responsibilities that come along with it?

However, if you were raised in a family that went from rags to riches and you saw the money rip your family apart and create endless pain, would your attitude towards the gift of a million dollars be different? If I am guessing correctly, most of us would say that it wasn’t the money that caused the problem but the way the people involved responded to the money.

Many young people today are shying away from having children because they themselves have seen more pain and problems in the parenting process then blessings. Yet, it’s not parenting or having kids that caused the pain and problems, it’s often no knowledge of the way that God tells us to parent and/or just uninformed parenting that is the problem.

It always amazes me how so many people will get a coach, teacher, trainer and/or take a class or course when they want to learn anything from gourmet cooking to surfing, but when it comes to parenting, they think they can do a great job without making any effort to learn how. Not to long ago a woman told me that she believed that parenting was intuitive and therefore no one needed to learn it. If this were true, there would be no bad parenting because we’d all do it well intuitively. Unfortunately, there’s more bad parenting going on then good. Some aspects of nurture are intuitive, but the vast majority of what makes a good parent needs to be learned.

We need to get a message to those who, for the pain and problems that they’ve experienced or seen, are running from having kids. Parenting can be a joy if we apply ourselves to learning and growing as a parent. A good parenting book or parenting course will do for your parenting experience what a gourmet cooking course will do for your cooking experience. When God said that children were a blessing, he was assuming that we’d be getting his help and wisdom and learning from others who had done the same.

With this post and my next few, I want to explore what the Bible says about the joy of parenting. I’m spending time on this because I’ve found that when we understand how God views parenting, it helps us to make adjustments in our actions and attitudes and sometimes it’s those adjustments that make a huge difference in how we approach parenting. I also want to equip the Body so that they can respond, and lovingly instruct those in this generation that are shying away from having children for the wrong reasons. Those who would find truth and humor in the opening video instead of error and sadness.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

Can you figure out which Biblical relationship principle you can discuss with your children by watching this video together?

In the 5th chapter of Ephesians, Paul begins his teaching on different kinds of relationships. He begins with marriage, moves on to parents and children and finishes up with what today would be somewhat applicable to the employer/employee relationship.

He begins his instruction by laying a simple foundation that applies to all relationships, “…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (verse 21)

The word ‘submit’ has been kicked around a lot but it really has quite a simple meaning. To submit to someone means that you voluntarily look at their needs and desires and consider them important in order to foster a loving and cooperative relationship.

When two people submit to one another, they are actively being thoughtful and considerate of each other instead of being selfish and demanding.

I love the YouTube video that I attached because in it the big brother very simply demonstrates this principle. Even though his little sibling ends up finding his lap, he’s not bothered or defensive of his territory. By not reacting, he is submitting to or being thoughtful and considerate of his brother’s needs.

Can you imagine what your home sweet home would look like if every relationship were firmly placed on this foundation?

In order to simplify the concept for my kids, I used the word thoughtfulness. So the question is, what parenting skills can we use to create an atmosphere of thoughtfulness in our homes?

Firstly (always) according to Eph. 6:4, our children need both instruction and training. I find the family meeting is the best place to start whenever any new family rule or principle is to be enacted.

In the meeting, explain to your kids what thoughtfulness is. Keep it brief, about the length of a couple of Bible stories or a short Sunday school lesson. Give them some examples so that they know what thoughtfulness looks like. Show them the video and point out how unbothered the older brother is. Ask them why they think the boy is being so understanding about sharing his space.

Get them on board by using ‘Golden Rule Parenting’. Ask if they would like their brothers and sisters to always be thoughtful of them and what they want. Then explain to them that it has to work both ways (they have to be thoughtful too) in order for it to work.

Here’s a useful parenting tip—tell them that thoughtfulness doesn’t work if you’re only thinking about yourself. You need to think about first US, then YOU and then ME. In other words, in every relationship situation, they need to find a way that works out best for both parties involved, ‘US’. If they’re having trouble finding a way that works for US, then they need to move to YOU—or put the other person first. Only then should they think of a way that helps them get what they want, ME.

US first, YOU second, ME last. If everyone in the house plays by this rule and learns this virtue then even the most difficult family life situations and conflicts can be resolved.

Once you’ve instructed and everyone has agreed that you want to be a ‘thoughtful’ family, then the training starts. Just because your kids agreed doesn’t mean that they’ll be able to do it. When a problem occurs (remember no armchair command flinging) go over there and calmly help them go through the process (US, YOU, WE) until they have it settled.

In the next installment of this blog series on sibling rivalry, we’ll talk about another key element in teaching your children to get along.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

What would you say are two things that are most often at the core of a sibling battle? Let me give you a few whining and complaining hints, “Dad, he won’t share,” Mom, she’s wearing my clothes again.” And next, “She hit me” and “He won’t leave me alone.”

There are many answers to the question I posed but most of us would agree that fighting over things and unwanted physical contact are huge aggravators in sibling relationships.

Jesus taught what has now become known as the Golden Rule, treat others the way that you would like to be treated. (Matt 7:12)

Here’s how you apply the Golden Rule to personal things and personal space. First let me back up a bit, remember Christian Parenting skills 101, instruction comes before training.

Sit your kids down and explain the new household rules regarding these issues. You, of course can use your own words and illustrations (parenting styles differ) but here’s how I did it.

I explained to my children that in the adult world no one has the right to touch another person (in any way) unless they allow it. “If an adult just decided to punch another adult really hard, the police could come and they could be charged with a crime.”

Next, I taught my children about personal property rights. “If an adult were to go to the neighbors house and take his outdoor-grill without asking, they could be arrested for stealing.” I went on to explain that no one has the right to touch, take or use someone else’s property without his or her permission.

Once my children understood each of our personal rights to person and property, it was time to apply them to family relationships. I got each of my children excited about the fact that their siblings could not hit, touch or even tickle them without their permission. They also got really excited that their siblings could also not touch, take or use any of their things without permission.

You can probably already see how this rule could be used selfishly by your children.

So here’s where the Golden Rule must be taught. Each one of your children will agree that they enjoy appropriate contact like hugs and kisses and even a little tickling and play wrestling in your family life. They will also agree that they like having access to some of their sibling’s belongings.

So explain that no one should touch a sibling unless they know it would be okay—you shouldn’t have to ask for a hug or if a little tickling is okay. But make sure that you don’t do something to your siblings that you wouldn’t want others to do to you.

Also, what I did to help govern the level of tickling, teasing, wrestling and such is that I explained that when others want to have us stop and they ask us to, we must stop immediately because they have the right to their own person. So when one of my children said, “Please stop,” the others involved had to stop. After all, that is what they would want others to do for them.

In regards to personal property, each child needed to ask their sibling’s permission to use one of their things. These requests were not to be denied without good reason because they also would not want to be denied. Of course, (parenting advice balance alert) they were taught that it was okay (if they were playing with it) to let their sibling know that they would let them have a turn when they were finished using it.

This worked wonderfully. Again the whole family meeting and instruction/discussion part took no longer than it would take to sit through a short Sunday school lesson or to read a couple of Bible stories.

The training part took a while of having to leave what I was doing, go over to the current hot spot with reminders and help but the home values and virtues that we first discussed were eventually established.

Not only did this make our home at lot more peaceful, it gave the children a clear understanding of how their relationships outside the home should work. It helped them draw healthy boundaries and strengthened their friendships.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)