In the very beginning of creation God announced that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. That announcement led to the first marriage, the first family, the first friends and the first community.

God created us to function in and be blessed by relationships. Not only in relationships with others but also in a relationship with him.

Jesus stated that the two greatest commandments were to love God and also to love others. Since God is love and therefore void of selfishness, his two greatest commandments should carry with them the greatest secrets of an awesome life and they do. Having a wonderful growing relationship with God and wonderful growing relationships with others is truly the biggest key to an awesome life. Loving and being loved.God wants us to focus on and be blessed by developing and strengthening our relationships and one way that God teaches us is by example. Jesus said that if you saw him you saw the Father and the writer of the book of Hebrews wrote that Jesus was the visible image of the invisible God.

So what can we learn from Jesus’ example. He washed his disciples feet at the last supper, a servants job, and told his disciples (us) to follow his example. He laid his life down for his family, his friends, his people, everyone. He not only gave up his life but he also lived a sacrificial life, ministering to, loving, teaching, helping, healing and giving to those around him.

In looking at these truths I’ve realized that we can gain huge insights into how relationships can be strengthened and our relational skills improved just by looking at how God relates to us and how he asks us to relate to him. Specifically, since God invented parents and also tells us that he is our heavenly parent, I’ve seen how we can learn much from God’s example that can help us be better parents.

Here’s one simple example that changed the way I spoke with my children (and others) and made a huge difference in my relationships.

In Psalm 100:4 the psalmist tells us to enter God’s gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Lets just look at the first part, enter his gates with thanksgiving. When we begin to speak with God about anything, he instructs us to start out by thanking him. Why, because he’s stuck on himself and his ego needs a boost? Hardly, he’s perfect and he doesn’t change. God is love, this instruction is for our good not his. So break it down, what happens when we start our prayer with honest, personal thanksgiving? It puts things in perspective and gets us focusing on God’s goodness and ability instead of our problems and thereby increases our Faith and expectancy.

Now how can we translate that relational principle to our other relationships? Picture the last time you were annoyed at your kids or your spouse, how did it go? Often what we do when something needs to be communicated with those around us is that we just jump right in and start with our agenda. If it’s something negative, the person we are aiming at will tend to become immediately defensive because they feel attacked and not affirmed. Once the object of our verbal missiles gets defensive, we up the ante to prove the validity of our complaint or issue and often an argument is born.

What if we were able to start each conversation by entering our children’s gates (their presence, interrupting their thoughts with ours) with thanksgiving. Instead of, “I thought I told you to do the dishes” how about, “Sweetheart, you’re a wonderful son and always quite helpful. thank you! I was just wondering when you were going to get the dishes done because I’d prefer it if they were done more sooner than later.”

Two things happen when you approach other people’s gates with thanksgiving. First you change your focus. Instead of just stewing on what’s bugging you, you’ve reminded yourself of good things which make you happy in your relationship. This will take the edge and accusation out of your voice. Next, your child will have no need to feel defensive because your concern has been brought to him on a pillow of love and support. Now he’ll tend to want to affirm your belief in him and respond in kindness. Instead of an argument starting that could tear down your relationship, your relationship will be strengthened.

It’s a simple concept and although it takes awhile to become consistent with, you will see a huge change in your children’s ability to listen every time you enter their gates with thankfulness.

This little family road trip question has become so iconic, that it’s become common fodder for comic routines and movie scripts. I would imagine that this travel question has been around as long as families have been traveling. It’s probably a good thing that all of Noah’s sons were full-grown, or Mr. and Mrs. Noah may have ended up sinking the boat.

Think about the Israelite’s trek through the wilderness. After crossing the Red Sea, they got to the edge of the Promised Land quite quickly, but because they didn’t trust God and refused to go in, God sent them on a forty-year road trip. The idea was that all of the adults who refused to believe, were to die before their children would be allowed in. Can you imagine the conversation, “Are we there yet? Am I dead yet?”

I’ve always wondered why the Israelites didn’t understand that God wanted to have a relationship with them. Moses was the leader but he wasn’t supposed to be the only one talking to God. Instead of whining and complaining, why not call a prayer meeting and ask God just how they were going to conquer a land full of giants and well-fortified cities. They had God’s presence right there, represented by a huge cloud, so you’d think that a little more conversation and a little less groaning would have been a better idea.

Out of that story comes the parenting advice key that we need to solve the age old problem of, “Are we there yet?’ When our kid’s under developed ability to understand time and distance starts to affect the small amount of patience and attention span they have, they can respond in two ways. Like the Israelites, they can start whining and complaining, or they can start a conversation with you.

If they choose to do the right thing, you’ll most likely hear the dreaded four-letter question. Here’s how to turn it into a positive experience.

View the question not as an irritant but as your child doing the right thing and opening up a dialogue with you. Grab the opportunity to not only engage in conversation and strengthen your relationships but to teach your children about conversation.

Children don’t learn conversational skills by osmoses, we need to teach them. The reason they ask the same question over and over is because they want information from you and interaction with you (that’s conversation) but the only conversational tool they have is the basic ‘question.’

Try this, first make sure you explain (very simply) where you are going and how they’ll know when you’re there. Then ask them if they understand. Now that the answer is out of the way, continue the conversation. Ask them how they’re feeling, or about the backseat activities their involved in, etc. As the conversation moves forward, praise them for starting a conversation and for what conversational skills they are practicing well. Then give them a tip about how to get better like, don’t use one word answers and here’s a beauty, don’t ask the same question twice.

Each time you do this, you’ll find that after awhile, your child will feel satisfied that they are included, that they’ve gotten some of your attention and they’ll return to their quiet activities. If the same question comes up again, remind them of their wonderful conversational skills and help them find another question with which to start a conversation with you. Then follow through with more conversation.

Road trips and questions like “Are we there yet,” are actually great opportunities for teaching our children skills that will benefit them their whole life. It will also make your family trips more pleasant as you grow closer to your children.

If you’re looking for a great Christian family resource to help make the travel time more pleasant and help your children learn more about their faith, check out the best selling ‘Singing Bible.’

It has been highly recommended by thousands of parents for use in the car.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)