God understands. He will always listen, understand, and respond to our children, no matter what happens in their lives. God is always right there for them. He understands everything they feel and go through, and he’s always ready to encourage them to go forward, to give them wisdom, and to help them out. God is on their side.

The New Testament book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus is fully sympathetic, understanding even the toughest things we go through because he also went through them. Sometimes we forget that Jesus was once a child and then a teenager. (The Bible even records a time when his parents didn’t understand him!) Jesus had to be obedient to his parents, go to school, do chores, and grow up in a community of friends, neighbors, and family. The single incident from Jesus’ childhood included in the Bible – something that happened when he was twelve years old – seems to have been recorded to show us that Jesus had to grow up just like everyone else.

Our children can take comfort in the fact that when they pray and talk to God, they have someone listening who’s on their side, who completely understands how they feel and what they’re going through, and who’s ready to help.

We have a high priest [Jesus] who can feel it when we are weak and hurting. We have a high priest who has been tempted in every way, just as we are. But he did not sin. So let us boldly approach the throne of grace. Then we will receive mercy. We will find grace to help us when we need it. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

Whatever our troubles are, however besieged we feel, God can and will help.

What should we say then? Since God is on our side, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)

God understand us, and our children need to be taught likewise to be understanding of others, because when they love, accept, and forgive others, always trying to understand and to give them the benefit of the doubt, they become the kind of people that others feel good about and want to be with. When people know that our children don’t gossip, judge, or say negative things about others, those people can be confident that our kids won’t judge them either. When our children learn to be compassionate and understanding of others, many doors in life will be opened to them. Everyone on this planet wants to be loved, understood, and thought well of. When our children know how to imitate their Father with this character trait, and they imitate him from the heart, many of the people they encounter will want to be their friend, will accept them into their group or community, and will hire them, promote them, and honor and respect them. Life works by understanding and compassion.

But love your enemies. Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then you will receive a lot in return. And you will be children of the Most High God. He is kind to people who are evil and are not thankful. So have mercy, just as your Father has mercy.

If you do not judge others, then you will not be judged. If you do not find others guilty, then you will not be found guilty. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. (Luke 6: 35-38)

Those who have no sense make fun of their neighbors. But those who have understanding control their tongues. Those who talk about others tell secrets. But those who can be trusted keep things to themselves. (Proverbs 11:12-13)

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

The YouTube video attached is one of my all time favorite animated short films. The little blue birds are so into their exclusive ‘only our kind’ club and eliminating all threats to uniformity, that they’re blinded to what’s going on around them.

Children left to themselves tend to act exactly like that. She’s too young to be with us, he’s a boy, she’s my sister not my friend, they aren’t part of our class, club, team, school etc. If we’re not careful we can excuse this behavior as normal childhood antics. However, if we do, these seemingly innocent weeds can lead to full blown exclusive adult attitudes and behaviors such as prejudice and a lack of compassion and empathy for those that are different.Prejudice and exclusive attitudes in adults exist in most cases not because the adults learned to be that way but because they never learned how to be different as kids. Also lets face it, if your kids are always fighting about who gets to be involved and who doesn’t, or if you’re having to constantly get up when company is over to try and solve these problems, it can be a real pain.

Here are four simple steps that will help you transform your kids from the natural tendency of being exclusive, to always being inclusive.

Step #1: Have a family meeting.

If you’ve never tried a family meeting you’re missing out on one of the most effective parenting tools. Kids are just like everyone else, they love to be included and they love to be heard. Putting them in the authority/decision making loop gives them ownership of the decisions made and gives you the ability to hold them accountable to what they agreed to.

When announcing the meeting, explain that the purpose of a family meeting is to address a family problem and to come up with a plan together to solve it. Let everyone know that it’s going to be fun and that ice cream (or what ever treat everyone likes) will be served.

Start the meeting with a short prayer asking for God’s wisdom and help. Next set the tone, every one will be heard and no one will be criticized or blamed etc. Now talk to them about the problem, use specific examples without singling out anyone or being harsh. Take the tact that everyone has been involved in the problem (you could even apologize for not doing this sooner) and together you’re going to solve it.

Step #2: Talk to your kid’s about what the Bible says.

Now it’s imperative that you explain to them why all of this is important. Sorry but, “Because I said so,” doesn’t work in the long term.

You may even begin the discussion by showing them the attached animated bird film as an illustration of the problem.

Let them know that Jesus is our example and he never excluded anyone. Everyone who came to Jesus was welcomed and loved. Even though he was an adult, when his disciples tried to turn kids away he got upset and welcomed them. He spent time with people no one else would spend time with, people who weren’t very nice, people who were crippled and disabled, people who were sick, people who weren’t popular, people who had different religious views and who were from different cities and countries and even lepers who everyone else ran away from.

Explain that Jesus did this because he knew that it’s better to give then to get. One of the greatest secrets to having a happy satisfying life is to spend your time loving and caring for others. When you do, you feel better about yourself and many of the people you love start to love, give and appreciate you back.

Read and discuss this key Bible verse. (Put an emphasis on the idea of putting other people’s needs and feelings ahead of your own.)

‘Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:’ (Philippians 2:3 – 5)

Don’t rush the conversation. Make sure everyone gets it before moving on to the next step.

Step #3: Get everyone to agree on the new rules.

Now it’s time to get everyone’s ideas on how to solve the problem. Center the conversation around concrete examples like, “What are you going to do when your younger sibling wants to play with you?” Be sure to bring a balance. There’s nothing wrong with the older sibling telling the younger sister that he’ll play one game with her or spend fifteen minutes playing with her before he returns to what he was doing.

In our home we set the rule that EVERYONE must be included always and no was to be EXCLUDED ever. Shape your rules out of your discussion and get everyone to agree that you’re going to all work together to be an inclusive family. Then compliment everyone on a great family meeting and for their wonderful input.

Step #4: Enforce the rules.

You must be diligent with this final step. It’s relatively easy for a child to say they understand and agree to change but they need help remembering and applying what they’ve learned in the moment. Make a special effort in the days and weeks to follow to stay on top of every opportunity to teach and reinforce what everyone agreed to.

Praise every effort that is made by your kids to be inclusive and when you hear a problem brewing don’t yell from the other room, go there immediately. Stay calm and remind those involved of the meeting and what they agreed to. Perhaps even remind them that they’re sounding kind of like the little blue birds. Now help them come up with a balanced way to be inclusive and assist them in carrying out the idea.

It’s as simple as that. If you follow these four steps you will be amazed at how the level of peace and cooperation in your family will go up to a wonderful new level. More importantly you’ll be helping to instill wonderful qualities in your children like empathy, selflessness and compassion which will grow with them into adulthood.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)