I was flying into Chicago on United Airlines shortly after they had completed their new terminal. The captain welcomed us to Chicago and “The New Terminal of Tomorrow.” He went on to explain that everyone who’s tried to catch a connecting flight out of there understands why it’s really called “The Terminal of Tomorrow” – because you might not get on your connecting flight till tomorrow!

I’ve often waited in the Chicago airport.  It’s a very busy place and reminds me of my home: children’s parties, sleepovers, friends coming and going, neighbors calling, extended family dropping by. And there are the departures. The car just doesn’t stop. There are youth groups, lessons of all sorts, sports, school, church, errands to run, and children’s friends to pick up or drive home. Sound familiar?  In the middle of all the flights in and out, once in a while I find a wonderful parenting moment with one of my fellow travelers.

The first time it happened, everyone had flown in and back out of “Osborne O’Hare,” and only my son and I were left. During the next few hours he had his agenda, and I had mine. However, in the middle of that time the two of us needed to sit down and eat a meal. What followed started with me pointing out that it was cool that it was just the two of us guys.

Then we decided to have some guy food and talked about guy things, and we even used some guy table manners (intentional oxymoron). We laughed a lot and afterwards headed back to our own tasks. The meal needed to be prepared anyway, but the time we had was memorable. I now watch for “home alone” moments. My son and I have our “guy time” every time the Osborne Terminal clears out, and I have special dad-and-daughter meals whenever I find myself alone with one of them.
For more quick and easy parenting tips and teachable moments, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

Very few of us would ever seriously ask that same question but how about if we tweaked it slightly, “Why do things that take place in stupid families keep on happening in mine?”

Isn’t that kind of what we’re asking when we get frustrated and throw out questions like, “Why must everything be a fight?” “Can’t anyone clean up after themselves?” “Would it hurt anyone to help out a bit for a change?” “For once, could you please just get along?”

One day many years ago, a friend and fellow worker very politely pointed out that I had a bad habit of interrupting him pretty much whenever he spoke. I admitted I had the problem, apologized and told him that I was going to do something about it. In the days that followed, he politely reminded me time and time again. I responded the same way each time.

A week or two later my friend reached the end of his patience and said, “Every time I talk about this, you say that you’re going to do something about it. Stop putting it off! Make a decision to change and do something about it now.”

I stopped and prayed on the spot for God’s help and I made a decision. Once the decision was made, I began paying attention and I put some effort into learning the skills I needed like really listening and following up with a question.

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I stopped interrupting however the biggest benefit of my friend’s rebuke was that I later learned how to apply the change principle in my family. Let me give you a brief example.

Once our family was suffering from chronic tornado kitchen syndrome. At first I whined, I complained and I asked the ‘Homer Simpson’ style questions.

My wonderful wife pointed out that perhaps we needed to do something different if we wanted change. (Where had I heard that before?) After some prayer and thought, I taped a note to the kitchen counter and had a family meeting and the fun began. If a single thing was out of place after someone left the kitchen they were on kitchen duty until the next time someone was caught. For awhile everyone was catching everyone else and kitchen duty revolved frequently. Within a few weeks everyone was getting the hang of ‘the game’ and those caught were spending longer periods of time on kitchen duty which made it even more important not to mess up.

What needs to change in your family? Is it the way you communicate with each other, are the kids not helping out, is the sibling rivalry fierce, are you constantly cleaning up after everyone? Here’s what you do, pick one thing that you want to change, pray about it and ask for wisdom. Now go looking for wisdom, search this site or other Christian parenting sites, Google the problem, read a parenting book, anything you need to do to find an idea or solution.

Proverbs 9 says that wisdom has prepared a huge banquet and she’s yelling, “Come and get it.” Finding the wisdom is very seldom difficult once you’ve decided on change. Now have a family meeting and get started.

What I found out was that small efforts at change can yield big results. A simple fun game in the kitchen led to everyone learning skills that began to spread to the rest of the house. My simple decision to stop interrupting people led me to better communication skills and therefore to better and stronger relationships.

The things that happen to stupid people happen to Homer Simpson and us not because we’re stupid but because we keep doing the same things over and over again and that’s stupid. And if we expect any change without changing, according to Einstein, that’s insane. Start today and fight stupidity and insanity with a little change.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

After having that thought, my mind jumped immediately to the same question that yours just did, “Can someone romance God? Isn’t romance reserved as a wonderful dance between a man and a woman?” So I looked up the word romance. While it is true that the word romance has, for the most part, come to refer to the expression of love between lovers, its origin and breath of meaning reveals other possibilities of use for this powerful word.

The word originally referred to a type of popular stories that were written in the Roman language; fanciful stories of extravagant and surprising adventures, featuring heroes and heroines, stories that carried their readers away. A romance is a story. It seems that over time the word began to be used of the romance or the adventurous love story between a man and a woman. Unfortunately, for many of us, the word has merely come to mean taking our significant other out for a dinner or buying them flowers once in awhile. However, what it should mean to us, is to intentionally weave and build your love relationship into a wonderful lifelong tale of expressed love and shared adventure.

Knowing this and seeing that the word’s definition is not just confined to the love between a man and a woman, I rethought David. His whole life story was a romance, full of adventure and all built on the foundation of his love for God and his expression of that love. David’s life was a romance with God.

Wow! I started thinking right away of how I could romance God. Sing him a song, write him a poem, stop more often to thank him and find more ways to demonstrate my love; unexpected, not required, from-the-heart, just-because-I-love-him ways. I want to intentionally build a love story, an unexpected romance between God and myself.

Now stay with me because my musings took me one step further. Jesus said that when we express our love to others, giving to them, caring for them and helping them, that he takes it as if we were expressing our love for him (Matthew 25:45). One way we can romance God is by loving and serving those around us.

When I think of romancing my wife (and now God as well) I look for thoughtful and unexpected ways to surprise with an expression of my love. These expressions begin to build our story or romance.

So one way to romance God is to look for unexpected ways to surprise those around us with expressions of our love for them. I’m calling it ‘Romancing your family.’ Here’s how; stop at the store and pick up your kid’s favorite chocolate bar, hug them when they walk by, write them a nice note, sit down beside them and be interested in what they’re doing or tell them something you love about them etc. Every thoughtful and unexpected expression of your love will build your relationships and begin weaving a wonderful story out of each of them.

My wife has called me a romantic but I want to take this to a whole new level. As I live my life romancing God directly and by loving others, my prayer is that God would weave each effort together so that one day the story of my life can be looked at like David’s and called a romance.

What can you do today to romance God by surprising each member of your family with an unexpected expression of your love?

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

In the very beginning of creation God announced that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. That announcement led to the first marriage, the first family, the first friends and the first community.

God created us to function in and be blessed by relationships. Not only in relationships with others but also in a relationship with him.

Jesus stated that the two greatest commandments were to love God and also to love others. Since God is love and therefore void of selfishness, his two greatest commandments should carry with them the greatest secrets of an awesome life and they do. Having a wonderful growing relationship with God and wonderful growing relationships with others is truly the biggest key to an awesome life. Loving and being loved.God wants us to focus on and be blessed by developing and strengthening our relationships and one way that God teaches us is by example. Jesus said that if you saw him you saw the Father and the writer of the book of Hebrews wrote that Jesus was the visible image of the invisible God.

So what can we learn from Jesus’ example. He washed his disciples feet at the last supper, a servants job, and told his disciples (us) to follow his example. He laid his life down for his family, his friends, his people, everyone. He not only gave up his life but he also lived a sacrificial life, ministering to, loving, teaching, helping, healing and giving to those around him.

In looking at these truths I’ve realized that we can gain huge insights into how relationships can be strengthened and our relational skills improved just by looking at how God relates to us and how he asks us to relate to him. Specifically, since God invented parents and also tells us that he is our heavenly parent, I’ve seen how we can learn much from God’s example that can help us be better parents.

Here’s one simple example that changed the way I spoke with my children (and others) and made a huge difference in my relationships.

In Psalm 100:4 the psalmist tells us to enter God’s gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Lets just look at the first part, enter his gates with thanksgiving. When we begin to speak with God about anything, he instructs us to start out by thanking him. Why, because he’s stuck on himself and his ego needs a boost? Hardly, he’s perfect and he doesn’t change. God is love, this instruction is for our good not his. So break it down, what happens when we start our prayer with honest, personal thanksgiving? It puts things in perspective and gets us focusing on God’s goodness and ability instead of our problems and thereby increases our Faith and expectancy.

Now how can we translate that relational principle to our other relationships? Picture the last time you were annoyed at your kids or your spouse, how did it go? Often what we do when something needs to be communicated with those around us is that we just jump right in and start with our agenda. If it’s something negative, the person we are aiming at will tend to become immediately defensive because they feel attacked and not affirmed. Once the object of our verbal missiles gets defensive, we up the ante to prove the validity of our complaint or issue and often an argument is born.

What if we were able to start each conversation by entering our children’s gates (their presence, interrupting their thoughts with ours) with thanksgiving. Instead of, “I thought I told you to do the dishes” how about, “Sweetheart, you’re a wonderful son and always quite helpful. thank you! I was just wondering when you were going to get the dishes done because I’d prefer it if they were done more sooner than later.”

Two things happen when you approach other people’s gates with thanksgiving. First you change your focus. Instead of just stewing on what’s bugging you, you’ve reminded yourself of good things which make you happy in your relationship. This will take the edge and accusation out of your voice. Next, your child will have no need to feel defensive because your concern has been brought to him on a pillow of love and support. Now he’ll tend to want to affirm your belief in him and respond in kindness. Instead of an argument starting that could tear down your relationship, your relationship will be strengthened.

It’s a simple concept and although it takes awhile to become consistent with, you will see a huge change in your children’s ability to listen every time you enter their gates with thankfulness.

I have to give credit to my oldest daughter for bringing the application of “moment” parenting to our family.  She had heard the above quote, or a similar one, and set her personal daily hug-giving minimum at seven.  She also kept track of her daily-high hug score, which has, at times, reached unbelievable numbers. As a result, it’s very difficult to come near her without feeling sincerely cared for.

Because of her wonderful obsession, I made a habit out of hugging all of my children every time I passed them in the house, or whenever they came into hugging range. Don’t get me wrong; I hugged my children before, but basically only when it was called for. But now, whenever any of my children enter my personal space or my hug zone, they get hugged.

The effect on the atmosphere of our home and my relationship with my children has been astounding. I feel more loved by my children, and I know they feel more loved by me. It’s one thing to love and care for someone; it’s another thing to demonstrate it. Of course, the best way to demonstrate it is by doing things for the ones you love. However we can fit only so many sacrificial acts into each relationship. We therefore need to fill in all the gaps with hugs.

You probably cannot find another thing in which to invest a few seconds that will give you the kind of return that a hug will. Share the therapist’s quote with your family and let the hugging begin.

“Dad, why can’t we go to heaven to see what it’s like, then come back home?”

“Dad, if God wants us to get to know Him, why doesn’t He let us see Him?”

All of the above are questions that my children have asked me. Why do I remember those out of all the questions they have ever asked? Well, because trying to answer those three questions is not something you easily forget.

Over the years, I’ve discovered that as difficult as some of my children’s questions are, taking the time to answer them is the most time-effective way to teach them. When children ask a question, all of their learning receptors are turned up to full. They’re curious. They’re thinking about it. They’re truly listening. They want to hear what you have to say. Taking a few moments to answer their questions can be more effective than hour-long sermons or lectures.

If you don’t know the answer to a question, take a few minutes to look up the answer with them or call someone who you think world know. Be careful that you don’t make my mistake, though. Once one of my daughters said something like, “I wonder why God made me?” After about 10 minutes of attempting to explain I came up for breath. She was looking quite perplexed. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, “Dad, I didn’t want you to answer. I was just saying that I sometimes think about it.”

I still answer their questions, but now I make sure they’re looking for an answer, and I keep it short and wait for follow-up questions.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

There are points in our parenting career when it seems like every second or third sentence gets invested in the quest for mannerly children. We’ve all been embarrassed (and we have the stories!) by our children while they were learning manners. We’ve also all been proud when they got it right and some stranger has commented on what polite children we have. Have you ever had the tables, or the table manners, turned on you? I have.

When my children were younger, I spent time teaching them that kindness in intent and tone should be the rule that governs all of our speech. To remind them when their speech to one of their siblings strayed from the kindness rule, I would gently but pointedly add a storybook quote to the end of their speech. After they fired off, I’d instantly say, “-she [or he] said in a kind and gentle voice.”

My children understood and they’d repeat their communication with kindness. However, once my children caught on to this system, fair was fair.

I once had a bad case of up-late-last-night morning grumpiness, and one of my directions to my son came out less gently than I had intended. Without missing a nanosecond, one of my daughters added, “-he said in a kind and gentle voice.” I looked at her; my mouth opened, my mouth closed, then I thanked her and apologized to my son.

It’s easy to forget or suspend our best manners with our children in the moment-by-moment business of life, but if we heed our own advice, we will realize that it takes only a few seconds to say please and thank you and to rephrase our words so they are kind and considerate instead of sharp and demanding.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

This is the seventh and final post in the series: “What does the Bible say about sibling rivalry and how can I get my kids to get along?”

We started out this sibling rivalry series by establishing that what the world says is normal in family relationships, is not what God wants for Christian families.

The world says that sibling rivalry, rebellious teenagers, kids and parents not getting along and family fighting are all part of normal family life.

However, Jesus himself said that the two greatest commands were to love God and to love others and that all of God’s law is summed up in these two commands. Christian love is a foundation of our Faith and teaching it, is a core Christian parenting skill.

God has called parents to bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord—to teach them how God says life works and how we are to live. The Christian home is the place where God meant for children to learn how to love God and others. They need to be taught what love is, to be trained in how to walk it out and to see it exampled in the lives of their older siblings and parents.

God intended that the Christian home be the classroom for developing relational skills and learning how to love. Sibling relationships and parent/child relationships are the crash test dummies that prepare our children for every other peer relationship and authority relationship in their lives.

Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34, 35)

Jesus said that the world would be able to tell who his disciples are by the love they show. Why? Because God put an innate need to be loved in the heart of every one of us. Real love speaks of truth and calls each one of us towards it.

In a day and age where children are being raised to hate, it’s not enough for us to speak out against hate. We must lead the way and intentionally teach our children to love. If we don’t, we may not be teaching our children to hate but by our lack of teaching, we cause our children to become indifferent and/or self-centered. Indifferent and self-centered people don’t reach out and help change a hating world!

Expecting our children to somehow learn how to love by osmoses or by just telling them to love, is like expecting them to learn math without math lessons.

The second greatest command reflects the second most important task of Christian Parenting. We are called to roll up our sleeves, cry out to God for help and take the time and energy to practically instruct and train our children in how to love. Teaching them about forgiveness, kindness, patience, kind words, encouragement, compassion, cooperation, conflict resolution, gentleness, faithfulness, thoughtfulness, sacrifice, selflessness, listening, generosity, fairness, building others up, being helpful, manners, respect, honor, duty, standing up for the rights of others and much more.

These concepts are all mere words to our children until they are explained and taught. They may hear about them at Sunday school and in Bible stories but in order to really learn these family values and virtues, they need to be taught while life is happening.

I love the song ‘The Prayers of The Children.’ The generation of children growing up in the world, like every generation before them, want to love and be loved. Only the hate in the world and their fallen nature leads them away.

But if our Christian children are taught by us and the Holy Spirit within them to truly love in their hearts and with their actions, they will reach past hate and make a huge difference in their generation—and by that love, the world will know who God’s children are.

If this is the first blog in the Sibling Rivalry series that you’ve read, I encourage you to make your way through the first six. There are lots of practical tips that will help you on your journey to teach your children how to love. I’ll also be posting more in this category from time to time so stay clicked in.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

Can you figure out which Biblical relationship principle you can discuss with your children by watching this video together?

In the 5th chapter of Ephesians, Paul begins his teaching on different kinds of relationships. He begins with marriage, moves on to parents and children and finishes up with what today would be somewhat applicable to the employer/employee relationship.

He begins his instruction by laying a simple foundation that applies to all relationships, “…submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (verse 21)

The word ‘submit’ has been kicked around a lot but it really has quite a simple meaning. To submit to someone means that you voluntarily look at their needs and desires and consider them important in order to foster a loving and cooperative relationship.

When two people submit to one another, they are actively being thoughtful and considerate of each other instead of being selfish and demanding.

I love the YouTube video that I attached because in it the big brother very simply demonstrates this principle. Even though his little sibling ends up finding his lap, he’s not bothered or defensive of his territory. By not reacting, he is submitting to or being thoughtful and considerate of his brother’s needs.

Can you imagine what your home sweet home would look like if every relationship were firmly placed on this foundation?

In order to simplify the concept for my kids, I used the word thoughtfulness. So the question is, what parenting skills can we use to create an atmosphere of thoughtfulness in our homes?

Firstly (always) according to Eph. 6:4, our children need both instruction and training. I find the family meeting is the best place to start whenever any new family rule or principle is to be enacted.

In the meeting, explain to your kids what thoughtfulness is. Keep it brief, about the length of a couple of Bible stories or a short Sunday school lesson. Give them some examples so that they know what thoughtfulness looks like. Show them the video and point out how unbothered the older brother is. Ask them why they think the boy is being so understanding about sharing his space.

Get them on board by using ‘Golden Rule Parenting’. Ask if they would like their brothers and sisters to always be thoughtful of them and what they want. Then explain to them that it has to work both ways (they have to be thoughtful too) in order for it to work.

Here’s a useful parenting tip—tell them that thoughtfulness doesn’t work if you’re only thinking about yourself. You need to think about first US, then YOU and then ME. In other words, in every relationship situation, they need to find a way that works out best for both parties involved, ‘US’. If they’re having trouble finding a way that works for US, then they need to move to YOU—or put the other person first. Only then should they think of a way that helps them get what they want, ME.

US first, YOU second, ME last. If everyone in the house plays by this rule and learns this virtue then even the most difficult family life situations and conflicts can be resolved.

Once you’ve instructed and everyone has agreed that you want to be a ‘thoughtful’ family, then the training starts. Just because your kids agreed doesn’t mean that they’ll be able to do it. When a problem occurs (remember no armchair command flinging) go over there and calmly help them go through the process (US, YOU, WE) until they have it settled.

In the next installment of this blog series on sibling rivalry, we’ll talk about another key element in teaching your children to get along.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

If you’ve had the family meeting (we covered that in part two of this series) and you’ve decided to overcome the temptation to follow the armchair fling parenting style, then you’re ready to get moving.

Okay, the squabbling has started and you’re up and going. You have a few seconds of travel time to do two things, first remember the Third Parent and pray for parenting wisdom and help. Next (really valuable parenting tip) slow down and make sure you arrive on the scene calm.

Have you ever seen a fireperson, police officer or ambulance worker all flustered? No, because they know that if they do not bring the calm to the storm, the storm will get bigger. Bring the calm.

Even before you get there, be listening. The more you have heard, the better equipped you are to teach. Once you get there and your calm has brought peace, ask questions and do some more listening. The more your children feel like their concerns and viewpoint have been heard, the more they will be willing to listen.

Here is some parenting advice from Mary and Joseph’s example. The one time that Mary and Joseph were upset with Jesus as a boy, they asked him a question. The interview helps us to avoid jumping to conclusions and brings calm and clarity to the situation. (Luke 2:41 – 52) I’ve found that this Biblical parenting skill can make a huge difference in many parenting situations.

Next, and this seems small but it is incredibly important, remind them of the family meeting and motto and affirm them. This is foundational and remember the more magnificent a building is, the bigger the foundation has to be. Slow down and pour some cement and you will have a greater impact. Remind them of their own commitment during the family meeting and find something good to say about their progress so far or your confidence in their ability to get along.

Now move forward treating this as an ongoing process. You knew when you started that they would not get it overnight. So look at the situation like you would if you were teaching them to ride a bike—don’t get upset if they don’t get it at first. Just keep helping them learn how to resolve conflict and get along.

Now that the calm has been restored, you understand the situation and the foundation has been laid, it is time to instruct. Explain to your children how you think they could have handled the situation more peaceably. If this is not the first time this same situation has come up then perhaps ask them how they think they could have solved the problem differently. Once everyone agrees move on to training.

When my children were younger and first learning how to get along I would have them enact a do-over. Like getting in a time machine, they would go back and do it all over but this time the right way. As they got older, I would just discuss what they would do if they had it to do over and leave it at that. Either way though, I made sure that everyone involved had the tools and experience that they needed to do it right next time.

I know at first it sounds like a long process but once you are in the habit of doing this it becomes almost automatic like riding a bike. It’s not as easy as dropping them off at Sunday school or reading a few Bible Stories but if you stay with it, the family life and family relationship rewards are great.

In my next blog in this series we’ll talk more about what the Bible says about how children are to love each other and how you can help them understand and do it.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)