Helping your kids include everyone

The YouTube video attached is one of my all time favorite animated short films. The little blue birds are so into their exclusive ‘only our kind’ club and eliminating all threats to uniformity, that they’re blinded to what’s going on around them.

Children left to themselves tend to act exactly like that. She’s too young to be with us, he’s a boy, she’s my sister not my friend, they aren’t part of our class, club, team, school etc. If we’re not careful we can excuse this behavior as normal childhood antics. However, if we do, these seemingly innocent weeds can lead to full blown exclusive adult attitudes and behaviors such as prejudice and a lack of compassion and empathy for those that are different. Read more

Home alone moments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was flying into Chicago on United Airlines shortly after they had completed their new terminal. The captain welcomed us to Chicago and “The New Terminal of Tomorrow.” He went on to explain that everyone who’s tried to catch a connecting flight out of there understands why it’s really called “The Terminal of Tomorrow” – because you might not get on your connecting flight till tomorrow!

I’ve often waited in the Chicago airport.  It’s a very busy place and reminds me of my home: children’s parties, sleepovers, friends coming and going, neighbors calling, extended family dropping by. And there are the departures. The car just doesn’t stop. There are youth groups, lessons of all sorts, sports, school, church, errands to run, and children’s friends to pick up or drive home. Sound familiar?  In the middle of all the flights in and out, once in a while I find a wonderful parenting moment with one of my fellow travelers. Read more

It’s the economy, mom and dad

Listening to all the news about economy lately has got me thinking about an old friend. Anyone remember the best-seller, ‘The Coming Economic Earthquake’? One Amazon review, written last month, says this about the book, “This book clearly outlines why the recession is here and it was written in 1991 predicting it.”

I had the pleasure of knowing Larry Burkett and being able to call him my friend for several years before he left us to be with our Lord. He was a wonderful person, a faithful friend and an awesome man of God. He studied the Bible and understood perhaps better than anyone what God’s Word says and teaches about money.

I met Larry shortly after he wrote ‘The Coming Economic Earthquake’ and although I didn’t understand all of what he was saying about where the economy was going, we talked about something that was near to my heart. Him and his son Allen Burkett Jr. wanted to help parents teach their kids Biblical financial principles so that Christians and the Church in the generations to come could stand strong during tough times.

Larry showed me the conclusions of a nation wide survey that tested the financial IQ of high school seniors. The director of the report summed up the results by saying that our kids were graduating financially illiterate. He also shared with me statistics that showed that 85% of young couples who divorce site financial issues as the reason for their marital breakdown. That discussion led to Larry and I co-writing the book ‘Financial Parenting.’ I also went on to work with both Larry Sr. and Jr. to develop many resources that help parents teach their children financial principles.

The Bible tells us that as parents we are to bring our children up in the instruction of the Lord. The Bible doesn’t just teach us about God, love and salvation. Moses, Solomon, Jesus, Paul and others were all used by God’s Spirit to teach us about stewardship and proper money management. It’s our job as parents to safeguard our children’s future by intentionally bringing them up in these truths.

I don’t know if the ‘Economic Earthquake’ as Larry saw it is here yet but I do know that if we want our kids to survive financially, now and in the future, we need to spend some time teaching them what God’s Word says about money.

The Coming Economic Earthquake, Financial Parenting and the other resources we developed for kids have been selling well and helping families for years but perhaps they are even more relevant and more important now.

Although Larry Burkett is no longer with us, every book he wrote was based on God’s Word and therefore timeless and very relevant today. I highly recommend the following books and any other’s with my friend’s name on them.

            

 

 

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

What would you change about your family

I’m not a fan of the Simpsons but I had to chuckle when I heard an ad for the show. Homer said, “Why do things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?”

Very few of us would ever seriously ask that same question but how about if we tweaked it slightly, “Why do things that take place in stupid families keep on happening in mine?”

Isn’t that kind of what we’re asking when we get frustrated and throw out questions like, “Why must everything be a fight?” “Can’t anyone clean up after themselves?” “Would it hurt anyone to help out a bit for a change?” “For once, could you please just get along?”

One day many years ago, a friend and fellow worker very politely pointed out that I had a bad habit of interrupting him pretty much whenever he spoke. I admitted I had the problem, apologized and told him that I was going to do something about it. In the days that followed, he politely reminded me time and time again. I responded the same way each time.

A week or two later my friend reached the end of his patience and said, “Every time I talk about this, you say that you’re going to do something about it. Stop putting it off! Make a decision to change and do something about it now.”

I stopped and prayed on the spot for God’s help and I made a decision. Once the decision was made, I began paying attention and I put some effort into learning the skills I needed like really listening and following up with a question.

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I stopped interrupting however the biggest benefit of my friend’s rebuke was that I later learned how to apply the change principle in my family. Let me give you a brief example.

Once our family was suffering from chronic tornado kitchen syndrome. At first I whined, I complained and I asked the ‘Homer Simpson’ style questions.

My wonderful wife pointed out that perhaps we needed to do something different if we wanted change. (Where had I heard that before?) After some prayer and thought, I taped a note to the kitchen counter and had a family meeting and the fun began. If a single thing was out of place after someone left the kitchen they were on kitchen duty until the next time someone was caught. For awhile everyone was catching everyone else and kitchen duty revolved frequently. Within a few weeks everyone was getting the hang of ‘the game’ and those caught were spending longer periods of time on kitchen duty which made it even more important not to mess up.

What needs to change in your family? Is it the way you communicate with each other, are the kids not helping out, is the sibling rivalry fierce, are you constantly cleaning up after everyone? Here’s what you do, pick one thing that you want to change, pray about it and ask for wisdom. Now go looking for wisdom, search this site or other Christian parenting sites, Google the problem, read a parenting book, anything you need to do to find an idea or solution.

Proverbs 9 says that wisdom has prepared a huge banquet and she’s yelling, “Come and get it.” Finding the wisdom is very seldom difficult once you’ve decided on change. Now have a family meeting and get started.

What I found out was that small efforts at change can yield big results. A simple fun game in the kitchen led to everyone learning skills that began to spread to the rest of the house. My simple decision to stop interrupting people led me to better communication skills and therefore to better and stronger relationships.

The things that happen to stupid people happen to Homer Simpson and us not because we’re stupid but because we keep doing the same things over and over again and that’s stupid. And if we expect any change without changing, according to Einstein, that’s insane. Start today and fight stupidity and insanity with a little change.

For more quick and easy parenting tips for bringing change to your family, we recommend “Parenting at the Speed of Life”

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

Don’t air the family’s dirty laundry

Do you remember your parents telling you to not air your family’s dirty laundry? It’s a metaphor which apparently can be traced back to Napolean. The idea being that you shouldn’t do laundry in public (eg hang clothes on a line to dry) that would reveal intimate details of your life and you also shouldn’t tell others about the troubles and private things that happen in your family.

I remember hearing this saying when I was young and my Granny was still alive. I remember wondering why (if this saying were true as a fact as well as a metaphor) she would hang her unmentionables on our clothes line when she visited. Now I should mention that my Gran was a wonderful lady but she was a very large woman and her private garments would attract attention. However, for some reason she seemed oblivious to this fact.

I’m telling this story because I believe that somehow, somewhere along the way, we’ve adopted the idea that what happens behind closed family doors is no one’s business but our own. Which has again somehow led to the idea that we are free to behave in ways in our homes that we would not act in public.

Although I’ve seen this in many Christian homes, it is not God’s idea of how a Christian home should function. Being a Christian is about who we are and who we’re becoming, it’s not just about what we believe. As we submit our lives to God, he by his grace and the work of the Holy Spirit begins (and never stops) to change our hearts and that change should be reflected in our behavior. The first place that our changed behavior should show up is in our closest relationships – in our family relationships.

The Apostle Paul wrote these words. “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2)

Notice that Paul assumes that our best behavior would be used on our family members and he therefore exhorts Timothy (and us) to treat other Christians how we treat our family. Would it go over well if you treated the people at church the same way you’ve allowed yourself to treat your spouse and/or children from time to time in the privacy of your own home?

In the same letter to Timothy, Paul outlines the qualifications for leaders in the church and reveals that what goes on at home either qualifies or disqualifies you for leadership. Would others question your ability to minister to others if they saw a video (taken secretly) of you at home?

The only Biblical application I can see for ‘Don’t air our family’s dirty laundry’ is that we shouldn’t gossip about our family members or maliciously share their mistakes with others. Our homes should be a safe place to grow and make mistakes but it was never meant to be a place where we can behave badly because we’ve been led to believe that a Las Vegas like slogan applies, ‘what happens at home stays at home’.

Try this, next time you’re reading the Bible, with each instruction ask yourself “Am I living this at home?” If you’re not, stop and pray and ask for God’s help. Also start checking your home behavior, if you’re about to scream or get unreasonable stop and think if you’d speak that way to your pastor. If you’re doing something that you wouldn’t want to talk about Sunday morning then think about why you’d even consider behaving that way in front of the ones you love the most.

Perhaps my Granny knew this to be true and was reversing the metaphor when she hung out her large unmentionables to dry. Or perhaps she just wanted dry unmentionables. I’ll ask her when I get to heaven.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘Teaching Kids About God’.

 

 

 

 

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

How to get your kids to listen

In the very beginning of creation God announced that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. That announcement led to the first marriage, the first family, the first friends and the first community.

God created us to function in and be blessed by relationships. Not only in relationships with others but also in a relationship with him.

Jesus stated that the two greatest commandments were to love God and also to love others. Since God is love and therefore void of selfishness, his two greatest commandments should carry with them the greatest secrets of an awesome life and they do. Having a wonderful growing relationship with God and wonderful growing relationships with others is truly the biggest key to an awesome life. Loving and being loved. Read more

The really important parenting task that most of us miss (part 2)

HOW TO RAISE GREAT PARENTS

In my last post, we talked about how God’s original parent training program was that one generation teach the next how to parent God’s way. It’s our job as parents to not only learn how to parent God’s way and to do it effectively but also to teach our children how to be a parent while we are parenting them.

This sounds more daunting then it actually is. In reality, parenting while teaching to parent is the easiest and most effective way of parenting.

When we send our children to school, they go knowing that they need to go through the learning process and do well so that one day they’ll graduate. They know because we tell them. From there we encourage them by telling them that great marks lead to better post secondary education options and those options can lead to better career opportunities etc. We keep them going by helping them to understand and to take on the goals as their own.

If our children think the only goal of parenting is for them to try and have fun and for us to try and stop them, they don’t see the reward in the process and our task will be difficult. However, if we talk to them not only about the benefits to their life for doing things the right way, but also about how cooperating with the parenting process and learning how it works will help make them great parents, then they’ll be able to see a bigger purpose and a greater reward.

With my kids, I’d always break it down. I’d tell them what my role as a father looked like and what I was responsible to God for. I’d also tell them what their part as a kid was before God and what the purpose or outcome of the whole parent/child relationship is meant to be.

It’s quite simple. A parent’s job is to consistently and diligently instruct train and discipline their children so that by the time they leave home they are mature Christian adults prepared to work, live, love and parent successfully on their own. Each child’s job is to cooperate with their parents in the process and do everything they can to help themselves reach that same goal.

I found that this idea of working together towards the same goal always made things easier when things went off track. Instead of locking horns with my kids over an issue (say like homework) I’d merely sit them down and talk about our mutual goal and what we both could do in this situation to work together, solve the problem and eventually reach the goal. It was always more peaceful and my kids would respond much better than they would if they thought that I was merely trying to force my agenda on them.

If both parent and child understand and agree on their roles, the process and the goal, then it’s easier to work together and the parenting process becomes more of a joy. As you do this, the parenting process also becomes transparent and your child learns how to be a parent as they are being parented.

Now I said that the parenting books, courses etc, that I write and advocate should just be a booster shot to this process. Although I believe this ‘parent raising parents’ method is God’s primary parent training program, it’s not the only Biblical process for parent training. None of us know it all and we all have different teaching styles, personality types etc. that work better with some people than others. Therefore, it’s always helpful to get outside help from other parents, grandparents, family, church community and family ministries. The Bible teaches that in our church communities, the older women should teach the younger women (Titus 2:4). In other words, those with godly wisdom and experience in the community should help in the process of preparing the next generation to take over.

Christian parenting books, classes, courses and wisdom from others are all needed but they should come along side and help a young parent who has been taught to be a great parent while being parented.

If you haven’t started doing this yet, sit down with your child or children and discuss it and then start. I think you’ll find that it makes a world of difference.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘The Spiritual Growth of Children’.

 

 
 

 

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

The really important parenting task that most of us miss (part 1)

For those of you who read my blogs or my books, you know that I’m passionate about encouraging parents to apply themselves to learning how to parent. Parenting is not merely intuitive and it’s not only bad parents who need parenting books and courses, it’s all parents.

If you asked me to determine if a certain couple were great parents or not, I wouldn’t look first at the results but at the efforts they were making to learn and grow in the art of parenting. If you know how to get the right information and effectively and humbly apply it, the results will eventually follow. If you think you’re getting by but you’re not learning, then you’ll eventually come up against a problem that you don’t know how to solve properly and that will mess up your results.

I advocate parenting books, classes and courses but actually those resources should be mere booster shots that come along and support God’s original parent training program. When God spoke to Abraham and called him to teach his children after him to follow the Lord, in context (Genesis 18:18, 19), he wasn’t talking about just Abraham’s immediate children but generations of children. When God had Moses tell the Israelites to make sure that they taught their children to follow the Lord (Deuteronomy 6), again the context was that each generation pass it on to the next.

As an example of how to pass something from generation to generation, let’s look at farming. For centuries, farmers have passed the farm down to their children. How does that happen successfully? What if one generation farmed and got the kids to help from time to time and then one day they just handed them the keys to everything and moved to Florida. Either the farm would be sold or it would probably go under. In order for the farm to be passed on successfully, the parents must not only farm well but also teach their children everything they know about farming as they grow up, gradually preparing them for the task. God’s original parent training program is simply this, parents need to do everything they can to bring their children up well AND they need to all the while be teaching their children how to parent properly themselves.

That’s why I say that parenting books and courses should be booster shots. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to do one of the most important tasks they’ll ever undertake, raising children. Yes, we train by example but that’s not enough. We need to understand what we teach our children and why we’re teaching it to them. We need to understand the discipline, instruction and training process and explain it to our children as we go. For those of you who are feeling that this sounds daunting it’s not, it actually makes the job easier. I’ll explain how in my next blog.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘The Spiritual Growth of Children’.

 

 
 

 

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

The joy of parenting? How to bring the joy back (part 3)

Throughout the Bible, children are considered to be a gift from God and a blessing to the parents who receive them.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)

Scripture contains many prayers and songs thanking God for the blessing of children, including those of Sarah, Hannah, and Mary. Mary had heard the stories of Sarah and Hannah and had learned that children are an awesome gift and a blessing.

Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” (Luke 1:46-47)

If you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, here it comes. Sometimes parenting can seem downright overwhelming. Children need constant care, training, and discipline, and none of us is perfectly up to the task. So at times we feel tempted to consider the gift of children as anything but a blessing. I once heard a mother say to her young teenager (in jest of course), “Watch it, buster! I brought you into this world and I can take you back out again!” That about sums up the way we sometimes feel, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, sometimes it goes beyond having a bad day or a frustrating moment. Many parents firmly believe that parenting is a burden, that children are rebels and mischief-makers, that teenagers and adults don’t get along, and that siblings would all but kill each other if left alone. I’ve heard parents complain that their kids won’t listen, won’t help, don’t care, and are just huge pains in their backsides. When we believe these things, we lower the bar of expectation and learn to live with substandard behavior instead of looking to God for help and solutions and choosing to believe God when he calls children a blessing. If God gave children to you as a blessing and considers them a blessing, then he’s already prepared to give you every thing you need to experience them as a blessing.

When we choose to believe what God says about our children being a blessing, we raise the bar and look for ways to learn how to resolve conflict, restore relationships, and parent God’s way. And eventually we see peace return to our households.

If you feel worn out and at the end of your rope with your children, stop and pray right now. Give your situation to God and ask him for help, wisdom, and workable solutions. Look up advice online, read a parenting book and/or ask for help from a parent who you’ve witnessed doing a great job. Ask God to return the atmosphere of his blessing to your household and children. Once you’ve done that, start thanking him (and keep doing it daily) for your children, trusting him that he’s heard your prayer, that he’s helping you learn and grow, and that he’s turning things around.

Don’t expect things to get perfect overnight, but continue to stay focused on God’s affirmation that being a parent is a gift and a blessing. Know that if he calls parenting a blessing, then he’ll help get your family to the place where it is. Then watch him slowly but surely return the joy of parenting.

And even if our household usually reflects God’s blessing, we can still all take a page out of Sarah’s book. When things start to slide, remember to check your perspective, laugh, and remind God that he called this whole parenting thing a blessing. Then ask him for the wisdom, grace, and help to cause your experience to match his statement.

Please help spread the word to the next generation. Children are a blessing from God but so is gardening/farming and money. But as with all blessings we need to apply ourselves to learning how to garden/farm, manage our money and parent properly if we want any of these blessings to be a success and a joy.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

The joy of parenting? God meant children to be a blessing (part 2)

We’ve all seen supermarket tantrums. If God intended children to be a blessing, why does it seem that for so many, they are not?

Let’s look specifically at one Bible couple to see if we can find the answer. I believe that God told Abraham and Sarah to name their son Isaac, which means “laughter,” in order to confirm this pair’s conviction that Isaac truly was a gift and a blessing from God. Let me explain.

When both Abraham and Sarah heard the Lord say that they would have a son, they responded with laughter. Yes, they laughed in part because they had long before left behind their childbearing years; and Sarah at least laughed somewhat because of doubt. But another emotion also bubbled under the surface. If someone told you that he was going to give you an all-expenses-paid, month-long vacation anywhere in the world, how would you respond? You might well respond with laughter that said, “Wow! That’s just way too great to be true!” Abraham and Sarah felt so overjoyed by the possibility of having a child that they could hardly believe it to be true.

When God had earlier told Abram that he would father a multitude of descendants, as numerous as the stars in the sky, we read, “Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness” (Genesis 15:6). Yet when God repeated the still-unfulfilled promise many years later, we read a different story;

Abraham fell face down; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” (Genesis 17:17)

Is this unbelief? The apostle Paul didn’t think so, for he wrote,

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead – since he was about a hundred years old – and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
(Romans 4:18-21, emphasis added)

Scripture does not have the same words of commendation for Sarah, who had a different reaction to the news:

So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?” (Genesis 18:12, emphasis added)

Yet here’s how Sarah responded when the promise came true:

Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. Sarah said, “God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.” (Genesis 21:5-6)

God had turned Sarah’s skeptical laugh into joyful laughter!

Abraham and Sarah viewed the birth of Isaac as an awesome and wonderful thing. God had them call their son ‘laughter’ because he was affirming his agreement that children are an awesome blessing that should bring us overwhelming joy.

However, in Genesis 18 God reveals some instructions that he gave Abraham and Sarah that they needed to follow in order for parenting to continue being a blessing.

For I have chosen him (The Lord speaking about Abraham), so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” (Genesis 18:19)

God intended for parenting to be a blessing but it can only be a blessing if we follow his parenting instructions and raise our children according to his Word. The simple reason why children become a burden is that many parents believe that parenting is intuitive and/or they don’t know that parenting is something they have to apply themselves to learning.

It seems incredible to me that now a days, if you mention to someone that perhaps a parenting book or course would be helpful, most take it as an insult. Surely, only bad people or bad parents need such things. Don’t good people become good parents intuitively? I believe that it’s this attitude and approach to parenting that has caused tantrums in the supermarket to become a regular part of the grocery shopping experience, but it doesn’t have to be.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting’.

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Bible Teacher)

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